







si: .vi 


PRESENTED 


BY 




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ALICE S ADVENTURES 
IN WONDERLAND 



2 . 4 o ff 


V 





























“There’s no sort of use in knocking said 
the footman . 





ALICE’S 

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ADVENTURES 

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IN 

WONDERLAND 

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by 

lewis Carroll 

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Alice’s adventures in wonderland, i 


PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 



All in the golden afternoon 
Full leisurely we glide; 

For both our oars, with little skill, 

By little arms are plied, 

While little hands make vain pretence 
Our wanderings to guide. 

Ah, cruel Three ! In such an hour, 
Beneath such dreamy weather, 

To beg a tale of breath too weak 
To stir the tiniest feather I 
Yet what can one poor voice avail 
Against three tongues together? 

Imperious Prima flashes forth 
Her edict “to begin it” — 

In gentler tone Secunda hopes 
“There will be nonsense in it!” 
While Tertia interrupts the tale 
Not more than once a minute. 

Anon, to sudden silence won, 

In fancy they pursue 
The dream-child moving through a land 
Of wonders wild and new, 

In friendly chat with bird or beast — 
And half believe it true. 

And ever, as the story drained 
The wells of fancy dry, 


# 


[vii] 


And faintly strove that weary one 
To put the subject by, 

“The rest next time — ” “It is next time !” 
The happy voices cry. 

Thus grew the tale of Wonderland; 

Thus slowly, one by one, 

Its quaint events were hammered out, 

And now the tale is done, 

And home we steer, a merry crew, 

Beneath the setting sun. 

Alice ! a childish story take, 

And with a gentle hand 
Lay it where childhood’s dreams are twined 
In Memory’s mystic band, 

Like pilgrim’s withered wreath of flowers 
Plucked in a far-off land. 



[viii] 



CHAPTER 

I DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE 
II THE POOL OF TEARS 

III A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE 

IV THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL 
V ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR 

VI PIG AND PEPPER 

VII A MAD TEA-PARTY 
VIII THE QUEEN’S CROQUET-GROUND 

IX THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY . 

X THE LOBSTER-QUADRILLE 
XI WHO STOLE THE TARTS ? . 

xii Alice’s evidence 



215 








‘there’s no sort of use in knocking,” said the 

footman . Frontispiece 


the rabbit started violently and skurried away 
the mouse gave a sudden leap out of the water 
the small ones choked and had to be patted on 

THE BACK 

“no more, thank ye ; i’m better now” . 

“it is a very good height indeed!” said the cater- 
pillar, ANGRILY 

“please WOULD YOU TELL ME,” SAID ALICE, A LITTLE 
TIMIDLY, “WHY YOUR CAT GRINS LIKE THAT?” 

SHE SET THE LITTLE CREATURE DOWN 

“VERY UNCOMFORTABLE FOR THE DORMOUSE, THOUGHT 
ALICE 

SEVEN FLUNG DOWN HIS BRUSH, AND HAD JUST BEGUN, 
“WELL, OF ALL THE UNJUST THINGS ” . 


PAGE 

31 

39 


53 

73 





* 


PAGE 



DOE 


JXS 


“off with her head!” 


SHE WAS EXACTLY THE RIGHT HEIGHT TO REST HER 


CHIN ON ALICE S SHOULDER 


THEY BEGAN SOLEMNLY DANCING ROUND AND ROUND 
ALICE ........ 

HERE THE QUEEN PUT ON HER SPECTACLES AND BEGAN 
STARING HARD AT THE HATTER .... 


147 

165 

183 

205 


SHE TIPPED OVER THE JURY-BOX, UPSETTING ALL THE 

JURYMEN ON TO THE HEADS OF THE CROWD BELOW 217 

THE WHOLE PACK ROSE UP INTO THE AIR, AND CAME 

FLYING DOWN UPON HER 227 



DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE 

















a? 












CHAPTER I 

DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE 


A LICE was beginning to get very tired of 
sitting by her sister on the bank, and 
of having nothing to do: once or 
twice she had peeped into the book her sister 
was reading, but it had no pictures or conversa- 
tions in it, “and what is the use of a book,” 
thought Alice, “without pictures or conversa- 
tions?” 

So she was considering in her own mind (as 
well as she could, for the hot day made her feel 
very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure 
of making a daisy-chain would be worth the 
trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, 
when suddenly a white rabbit with pink eyes ran 
close by her. 

There was nothing so very remarkable in 
that; nor did Alice think it so very much out 
of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, 
[ 15 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“Oh, dear! Oh, dear! I shall be too late!” 
(when she thought it over afterwards, it 
occurred to her that she ought to have won- 
dered at this, but at the time it all seemed 
quite natural) ; but when the Rabbit actually 
took a watch out of its waistcoat-pocket, and 
looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started 
to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that 
she had never before seen a rabbit with either a 
waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, 
and, burning with curiosity, she ran across the 
field after it, and was just in time to see it pop 
down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge. 

In another moment down went Alice after it, 
never once considering how in the world she 
was to get out again. 

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel 
for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, 
so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to 
think about stopping herself before she found 
herself falling down what seemed to be a very 
deep well. 

Either the well was very deep, or she fell 
very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she 

[16] 


DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE 

went down to look about her, and to wonder 
what was going to happen next. First, she 
tried to look down and make out what she was 
coming to, but it was too dark to see anything : 
then she looked at the sides of the well, and 
noticed that they were filled with cupboards 
and bookshelves: here and there she saw maps 
and pictures hung upon pegs. She took down 
a jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it 
was labelled “ORANGE MARMALADE,” 
but to her great disappointment it was empty: 
she did not like to drop the jar for fear of 
killing somebody underneath, so managed to 
put it into one of the cupboards as she fell 
past it. 

“Well!” thought Alice to herself, “after 
such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of 
tumbling downstairs! How brave they’ll all 
think me at home! Why, I wouldn’t say any- 
thing about it, even if I fell off the top of the 
house!” (Which was very likely true.) 

Down, down, down. Would the fall never 
come to an end? “I wonder how many miles 
I’ve fallen by this time?” she said aloud. “I 

[ 17 ] 


ALICE S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

must be getting somewhere near the centre of 
the earth. Let me see: that would be four 
thousand miles down, I think” — (for, you see, 
Alice had learnt several things of this sort in 
her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this 
was not a very good opportunity for showing off 
her knowledge, as there was no one to listen to 
her, still it was good practice to say it over) 
“ — yes, that’s about the right distance — but then 
I wonder what Latitude or Longitude I’ve got 
to?” (Alice had not the slightest idea what 
Latitude was, or Longitude either, but she 
thought they were nice grand words to say.) 

Presently she began again. “I wonder if 
I shall fall right through the earth! How 
funny it’ll seem to come out among the people 
that walk with their heads downwards! The 

Antipathies, I think ” (she was rather glad 

there was no one listening this time, as it 
didn’t sound at all the right word) “ — but I 
shall have to ask them what the name of the 
country is, you know. Please, Ma’am, is this 
New Zealand or Australia?” (and she tried 
to curtsey as she spoke — fancy curtseying as 

[18] 


DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE 

you’re falling through the air! Do you think 
you could manage it?) “And what an igno- 
rant little girl she’ll think me for asking! No, 
it’ll never do to ask: perhaps I shall see it 
written up somewhere.” 

Down, down, down. There was nothing 
else to do, so Alice soon began talking again! 
“Dinah’ll miss me very much to-night, I 
should think!” (Dinah was the cat.) “I hope 
they’ll remember her saucer of milk at tea-time. 
Dinah, my dear, I wish you were down here 
with me! There are no mice in the air, I’m 
afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that’s 
very like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat 
bats, I wonder?” And here Alice began to get 
rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, 
in a dreamy sort of way, “Do cats eat bats? Do 
cats eat bats?” and sometimes, “Do bats eat 
cats?” for, you see, as she couldn’t answer 
either question, it didn’t much matter which 
way she put it. She felt that she was dozing 
off, and had just begun to dream that she was 
walking hand in hand with Dinah, and was 
saying to her very earnestly, “Now, Dinah, tell 

[ 19 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

me the truth: did you ever eat a bat?” when 
suddenly, thump ! thump ! down she came upon 
a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was 
over. 

Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up 
on to her feet in a moment: she looked up, but 
it was all dark overhead; before her was another 
long passage, and the White Rabbit was still 
in sight, hurrying down it. There was not a 
moment to be lost: away went Alice like the 
wind, and was just in time to hear it say, as it 
turned a corner, “Oh, my ears and whiskers, 
how late it’s getting!” She was close behind it 
when she turned the corner, but the Rabbit was 
no longer to be seen; she found herself in a 
long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of 
lamps hanging from the roof. 

There were doors all round the hall, but 
they were all locked, and when Alice had been 
all the way down one side and up the other, 
trying every door, she walked sadly down the 
middle, wondering how she was ever to get out 
again. 

Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged 

C 2 °] 


DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE 

table, all made of solid glass ; there was nothing 
on it but a tiny golden key, and Alice’s first idea 
was that this might belong to one of the doors 
of the hall ; but, alas ! either the locks were too 
large, or the key was too small, but at any 
rate it would not open any of them. However, 
on the second time round, she came upon a low 
curtain she had not noticed before, and behind 
it was a little door about fifteen inches high: 
she tried the little golden key in the lock, and 
to her great delight it fitted! 

Alice opened the door and found that it led 
into a small passage, not much larger than a 
rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the 
passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw. 
How she longed to get out of that dark hall, 
and wander about among those beds of bright 
flowers and those cool fountains, but she could 
not even get her head through the doorway; 
‘and even if my head would go through,” 
thought poor Alice, “it would be of very little 
use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I 
could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, 
if I only knew how to begin.” For, you see, 

[ 21 ] 


ALICE S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

so many out-of-the-way things had happened 
lately, that Alice had begun to think that very 
few things indeed were really impossible. 

There seemed to be no use in waiting by 
the little door, so she went back to the table, 
half hoping she might find another key on it, 
or at any rate a book of rules for shutting 
people up like telescopes: this time she found 
a little bottle on it (“which certainly was not 
here before,” said Alice), and tied round the 
neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the 
words “DRINK ME,” beautifully printed on 
it in large letters. 

It was all very well to say “Drink me,” but 
the wise little Alice was not going to do that 
in a hurry. “No, I’ll look first,” she said, “and 
see whether it’s marked ‘Poison or not;” for 
she had read several nice little stories about 
children who had got burnt, and eaten up by 
wild beasts and other unpleasant things, all be- 
cause they would not remember the simple rules 
their friends had taught them; such as, that a 
red-hot poker will burn you if you hold it too 
long; and that, if you cut your finger very 
[ 22 ] 


DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE 

deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she 
had never forgotten that, if you drink much 
from a bottle marked “Poison,” it is almost 
certain to disagree with you, sooner or later. 

However, this bottle was not marked 
“Poison,” so Alice ventured to taste it, and, 
finding it very nice (it had, in fact, a sort of 
mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, 
roast turkey, toffy, and hot buttered toast), she 
very soon finished it off. 

***** 

* * * * 

* * * * * 

“What a curious feeling!” said Alice; “I 
must be shutting up like a telescope.” 

And so it was indeed: she was now only ten 
inches high, and her face brightened up at the 
thought that she was now the right size for 
going through the little door into that lovely 
garden. First, however, she waited for a few 
minutes to see if she were going to shrink any 
further: she felt a little nervous about this: “for 
it might end, you know,” said Alice to herself, 
“in my going out altogether, like a candle. I 

[ 23 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 
wonder what I should be like then?” And she 
tried to fancy what the flame of a candle looks 
like after the candle is blown out, for she could 
not remember ever having seen such a thing. 

After a while, finding that nothing more 
happened, she decided on going into the garden 
at once; but, alas, for poor Alice! when she 
got to the door, she found she had forgotten 
the little golden key, and when she went back 
to the table for it, she found she could not 
possibly reach it: she could see it quite plainly 
through the glass, and she tried her best to 
climb up one of the legs of the table, but it 
was too slippery; and when she had tired herself 
out with trying, the poor little thing sat down 
and cried. 

“Come, there’s no use in crying like that!” 
said Alice to herself, rather sharply; “I advise 
you to leave off this minute!” She generally 
gave herself very good advice (though she very 
seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded 
herself so severely as to bring tears into, her 
eyes; and once she remembered trying to box 

[24] 


DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE 

her own ears for having cheated herself in a 
game of croquet she was playing against her- 
self, for this curious child was very fond of 
pretending to be two people. “But it’s no use 
now,” thought poor Alice, “to pretend to be 
two people. Why, there’s hardly enough of me 
left to make one respectable person!” 

Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that 
was lying under the table: she opened it, and 
found in it a very small cake, on which the 
words “EAT ME” were beautifully marked 
in currants. “Well, I’ll eat it,” said Alice, “and 
if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the 
key; and if it makes me grow smaller, I can 
creep under the door; so either way I’ll get into 
the garden, and I don’t care which happens!” 

She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to 
herself, “Which way? Which way?” holding 
her hand on the top of her head to feel which 
way it was growing, and she was quite sur- 
prised to find that she remained the same size: 
to be sure, this is what generally happens when 
one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into 

[ 25 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 


the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the- 
way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull 
and stupid for life to go on in the common way. 

So she set to work, and very soon finished 
off the cake. 

* * * * 



[26] 


THE POOL OF TEARS 



4 




CHAPTER II 

THE POOL OF TEARS 

C URIOUSER and curiouser!” cried 
Alice (she was so much surprised, 
that for the moment she quite forgot 
how to speak good English) ; “now I’m opening 
out like the largest telescope that ever was! 
Good-bye, feet!” (for when she looked down 
at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of 
sight, they were getting so far off). “Oh, my 
poor little feet, I wonder who will put on your 
shoes and stockings for you now, dears? I’m 
sure 7 shan’t be able! I shall be a great deal 
too far off to trouble myself about you: you 
must manage the best way you can; — but I 
must be kind to them,” thought Alice, “or per- 
haps they won’t walk the way I want to go! 
Let me see: I’ll give them a new pair of boots 
every Christmas.” 


[ 29 ] 



ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

And she went on planning to herself how 
she would manage it. “They must go by the 
carrier,” she thought; “and how funny it’ll 
seem, sending presents to one’s own feet ! And 
how odd the directions will look! 

Alice’s Right Foot, Esq., 

Hearthrug, 

near the Fender, 

( with Alice’s love). 

Oh, dear, what nonsense I’m talking!” 

Just at this moment her head struck against 
the roof of the hall : in fact, she was now more 
than nine feet high, and she at once took up 
the little golden key and hurried off to the 
garden door. 

Poor Alice! It was as much as she could 
do, lying down on one side, to look through 
into the garden with one eye; but to get through 
was more hopeless than ever : she sat down and 
began to cry again. 

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself,” said 
Alice, “a great girl like you” (she might well 
say this), “to go on crying in this way! Stop 
this moment, I tell you!” But she went on 
[ 30 ] 



The rabbit started violently and skurried 
away . 




THE POOL OF TEARS 

all the same, shedding gallons of tears, until 
there was a large pool all round her, about four 
inches deep and reaching half down the hall. 

After a time she heard a little pattering of 
feet in the distance, and she hastily dried her 
eyes to see what was coming. It was the White 
Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a pair 
of white kid gloves in one hand and a large 
fan in the other: he came trotting along in a 
great hurry, muttering to himself as he came, 
“Oh, the Duchess! the Duchess! Oh, won’t 
she be savage if I’ve kept her waiting!” Alice 
felt so desperate that she was ready to ask help 
of any one ; so, when the Rabbit came near her, 
she began, in a low, timid voice, “If you please, 

sir ” The Rabbit started violently, dropped 

the white kid gloves and the fan, and skurried 
away into the darkness as hard as he could go. 

Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the 
hall was very hot, she kept fanning herself all 
the time she went on talking: “Dear, dear! 
How queer everything is to-day! And yester- 
day things went on just as usual. I wonder if 
I’ve been changed in the night? Let me think: 

[ 33 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

was I the same when I got up this morning? 
I almost think I can remember feeling a little 
different. But if I’m not the same, the next 
question is, Who in the world am I? Ah, that’s 
the great puzzle!” And she began thinking 
over all the children she knew, that were of the 
same age as herself, to see if she could have 
been changed for any of them. 

“I’m sure I’m not Ada,” she said, “for her 
hair goes in such long ringlets, and mine doesn’t 
go in ringlets at all; and I’m sure I can’t be 
Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she, 
oh, she knows such a very little ! Besides, she’s 
she, and I’m I, and — oh, dear, how puzzling it 
all is! I’ll try if I know all the things I used 
to know. Let me see : four times five is twelve, 
and four times six is thirteen, and four times 
seven is — oh, dear! I shall never get to twenty 
at that rate ! However, the Multiplication 
Table don’t signify: let’s try Geography. 
London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the 
capital of Rome, and Rome — no, that’s all 
wrong, I’m certain ! I must have been changed 
for Mabel! I’ll try and say ‘How doth the 
[ 34 ] 


THE POOL OF TEARS 


little ’ ” and she crossed her hands on her 

lap as if she were saying lessons, and began to 
repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse and 
strange, and the words did not come the same 
as they used to do : 

“How doth the little Crocodile 
Improve his shining tail, 

And pour the waters of the Nile 
On every golden scale! 

“How cheerfully he seems to grin, 

How neatly spreads his claws, 

And welcomes little fishes in 
With gently smiling ]aws!” 

“I’m sure those are not the right words,” 
said poor Alice, and her eyes filled with tears 
again as she went on, “I must be Mabel after 
all, and I shall have to go and live in that poky 
little house, and have next to no toys to play 
with, and oh, ever so many lessons to learn! 
No, I’ve made up my mind about it; if I’m 
Mabel, I’ll stay down here! It’ll be no use 
their putting their heads down and saying, 
‘Come up again, dear!’ I shall only look up 
and say ‘Who am I, then? Tell me that first, 

[ 35 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

and then, if I like being that person, I’ll come 
up: if not, I’ll stay down here till I’m somebody 
else’ — but, oh, dear!” cried Alice, with a sudden 
burst of tears, “I do wish they would put their 
heads down! I am so very tired of being all 
alone here!” 

As she said this she looked down at her hands, 
and was surprised to see that she had put on 
one of the Rabbit’s little white kid gloves while 
she was talking. “How can I have done that?” 
she thought. “I must be growing small again.” 
She got up and went to the table to measure 
herself by it, and found that, as nearly as she 
could guess, she was now about two feet high, 
and was going on shrinking rapidly: she soon 
found out that the cause of this was the fan she 
was holding, and she dropped it hastily, just 
in time to save herself from shrinking away 
altogether. 

“That was a narrow escape!” said Alice, a 
good deal frightened at the sudden change, but 
very glad to find herself still in existence ; “and 
now for the garden!” and she ran with all speed 
back to the little door: but alas! the little door 
[ 36 ] 


THE POOL OF TEARS 

was shut again, and the little golden key was 
lying on the glass table as before, “and things 
are worse than ever,” thought the poor child, 
“for I never was so small as this before, never! 
And I declare it’s too bad, that it is!” 

As she said these words her foot slipped and 
in another moment, splash! she was up to her 
chin in salt water. Her first idea was that she 
had somehow fallen into the sea, “and in that 
case I can go back by railway,” she said to her- 
self. (Alice had been to the seaside once in her 
life, and had come to the general conclusion 
that wherever you go to on the English coast 
you find a number of bathing machines in the 
sea, some children digging in the sand with 
wooden spades, then a row of lodging-houses, 
and behind them a railway station.) However, 
she soon made out that she was in the pool of 
tears which she had wept when she was nine 
feet high. 

“I wish I hadn’t cried so much!” said Alice, 
as she swam about, trying to find her way out. 
“I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by 
being drowned in my own tears! That will be 

[ 37 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

a queer thing, to be sure ! However, everything 
is queer to-day.” 

Just then she heard something splashing 
about in the pool a little way off, and she swam 
nearer to make out what it was: at first she 
thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, 
but then she remembered how small she was 
now, and she soon made out that it was only a 
mouse that had slipped in, like herself. 

“Would it be of any use, now,” thought 
Alice, “to speak to this mouse? Everything 
is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should 
think very likely it can talk : at any rate, there’s 
no harm in trying.” So she began : “O Mouse, 
do you know the way out of this pool? I am 
very tired of swimming about here, O Mouse !” 
(Alice thought this must be the right way of 
speaking to a mouse : she had never done such a 
thing before, but she remembered having seen 
in her brother’s Latin Grammar, “A mouse — of 
a mouse — to a mouse — a mouse — O mouse!”) 
The Mouse looked at her rather inquisitively, 
and seemed to her to wink with one of its little 
eyes, but it said nothing. 

[ 38 ] 



The mouse gave a sudden leap out of the 



water. 




THE POOL OF TEARS 

“Perhaps it doesn’t understand English,” 
thought Alice; “I daresay it’s a French mouse, 
come over with William the Conqueror.” (For, 
with all her knowledge of history, Alice had 
no very clear notion how long ago anything 
had happened.) So she began again: “Ou est 
ma chatte?” which was the first sentence in her 
French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden 
leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver all 
over with fright. “Oh, I beg your pardon!” 
cried Alice, hastily, afraid that she had hurt the 
poor animal’s feelings. “I quite forgot you 
didn’t like cats.” 

“Not like cats!” cried the Mouse in a shrill, 
passionate voice. “Would you like cats if you 
were me?” 

“Well, perhaps not,” said Alice, in a soothing 
tone : “don’t be angry about it. And yet I wish 
I could show you our cat Dinah: I think you’d 
take a fancy to cats if you could only see her. 
She is such a dear quiet thing,” Alice went on, 
half to herself, as she swam lazily about in the 
pool, “and she sits purring so nicely by the fire, 
licking her paws and washing her face — and 

[41] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

she is such a nice soft thing to nurse — and she’s 

such a capital one for catching mice oh, 

I beg your pardon!” cried Alice again, for this 
time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she 
felt certain it must be really offended. “We 
won’t talk about her any more if you’d rather 
not.” 

“We, indeed!” cried the Mouse, who was 
trembling down to the end of his tail. “As if 
I would talk on such a subject! Our family 
always hated cats: nasty, low, vulgar things! 
Don’t let me hear the name again !” 

“I won’t indeed!” said Alice, in a great hurry 
to change the subject of conversation. “Are 
you — are you fond — of — of dogs?” The Mouse 
did not answer, so Alice went on eagerly: 
“There is such a nice little dog near our house 
I should like to show you ! A little bright-eyed 
terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly 
brown hair! And it’ll fetch things when you 
throw them, and it’ll sit up and beg for its 
dinner, and all sorts of things — I can’t remem- 
ber half of them — and it belongs to a farmer, 
you know, and he says it’s so useful, it’s worth 

[42] 


THE POOL OF TEARS 

a hundred pounds! He says it kills all the 
rats and — oh, dear !” cried Alice, in a sorrowful 
tone. “I’m afraid I’ve offended it again!” For 
the Mouse was swimming away from her as 
hard as it could go, and making quite a com- 
motion in the pool as it went. 

So she called softly after it: “Mouse, dear! 
Do come back again, and we won’t talk about 
cats or dogs either, if you don’t like them !” 

When the Mouse heard this, it turned round 
and swam slowly back to her : its face was quite 
pale (with passion, Alice thought), and it said 
in a low, trembling voice, “Let us get to the 
shore, and then I’ll tell you my history, and 
you’ll understand why it is I hate cats and 
dogs.” 

It was high time to go, for the pool was 
getting quite crowded with the birds and 
animals that had fallen into it: there were a 
Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and 
several other curious creatures. Alice led the 
way, and the whole party swam to the shore. 


[ 43 ] 


A 



A CAUCUS-RACE AND A 
LONG TALE 














CHAPTER III 

A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE 

T HEY were indeed a queer-looking party 
that assembled on the bank — the birds 
with draggled feathers, the animals 
with their fur clinging close to them, and all 
dripping wet, cross, and uncomfortable. 

The first question, of course, was how to get 
dry again: they had a consultation about this, 
and after a few minutes it seemed quite natural 
to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with 
them, as if she had known them all her life. 
Indeed, she had quite a long argument with 
the Lory, who at last turned sulky and would 
only say, “I am older than you, and must know 
better;” and this Alice would not allow, without 
knowing how old it was, and as the Lory posi- 
tively refused to tell its age, there was no more 
to be said. 


[ 47 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person 
of some authority among them, called out, “Sit 
down, all of you, and listen to me! I’ll soon 
make you dry enough!” They all sat down at 
once, in a large ring, with the Mouse in the 
middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on 
it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad cold 
if she did not get dry very soon. 

“Ahem!” said the Mouse, with an important 
air, “are you all ready? This is the driest thing 
I know. Silence all round, if you please! 
‘William the Conqueror, whose cause was 
favoured by the pope, was soon submitted to by 
the English, who wanted leaders, and had been 
of late much accustomed to usurpation and con- 
quest. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia 
and Northumbria ’ ” 

“Ugh!” said the Lory, with a shiver. 

“I beg your pardon!” said the Mouse, frown- 
ing, but very politely. “Did you speak?” 

“Not I !” said the Lory, hastily. 

“I thought you did,” said the Mouse. — “I 
proceed. ‘Edwin and Morcar, the earls of 
Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him ; 

[48] 


A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE 

and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of 
Canterbury, found it advisable ’ ” 

“Found what?” said the Duck. 

“Found it,” the Mouse replied, rather crossly: 
“of course, you know what ‘it’ means.” 

“I know what ‘it’ means well enough, when 
1 find a thing,” said the Duck: “it’s generally a 
frog or a worm. The question is, what did the 
archbishop find?” 

The Mouse did not notice this question but 
hurriedly went on, “ * — found it advisable to go 
with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer 
him the crown. William’s conduct at first was 
moderate. But the insolence of his Nor- 
mans ’ How are you getting on now, my 

dear?” it continued, turning to Alice as it spoke. 

“As wet as ever,” said Alice, in a melan- 
choly tone: “it doesn’t seem to dry me at all.” 

“In that case,” said the Dodo, solemnly, 
rising to its feet, “I move that the meeting 
adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more 
energetic remedies ” 

“Speak English!” said the Eaglet; “I don’t 
know the meaning of half those long words, 

[ 49 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

and what’s more, I don’t believe you do either!” 
And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a 
smile: some of the other birds tittered audibly. 

“What I was going to say,” said the Dodo 
in an offended tone, “was that the best thing 
to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.” 

“What is a Caucus-race?” said Alice; not 
that she much wanted to know, but the Dodo 
had paused as if it thought that somebody ought 
to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to 
say anything. 

“Why,” said the Dodo, “the best way to 
explain it is to do it.” (And as you might 
like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, 
I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.) 

First it marked out a race-course, in a sort 
of circle (“the exact shape doesn’t matter,” it 
said), and then all the party were placed along 
the course, here and there. There was no “One, 
two, three, and away!” but they began running 
when they liked, and left off when they liked, 
so that it was not easy to know when the race 
was over. However, when they had been run- 
ning half-an-hour or so, and were quite dry 
[ 50 ] 


A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE 

again, the Dodo suddenly called out, “The race 
is over!” and they all crowded round it, panting, 
and asking “But who has won?” 

This question the Dodo could not answer 
without a great deal of thought, and it sat for 
a long time with one finger pressed upon its 
forehead (the position in which you usually see 
Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while 
the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo 
said, " Everybody has won, and all must have 
prizes.” 

“But who is to give the prizes?” quite a 
chorus of voices asked. 

“Why, she, of course,” said the Dodo, point- 
ing to Alice with one finger; and the whole 
party at once crowded round her, calling out 
in a confused way, “Prizes! Prizes!” 

Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair 
she put her hand into her pocket and pulled 
out a box of comfits (luckily the salt water had 
not got into it), and handed them round as 
prizes. There was exactly one a-piece, all 
round. 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“But she must have a prize herself, you 
know,” said the Mouse. 

“Of course,” the Dodo replied, very gravely. 

“What else have you got in your pocket?” 
he went on, turning to Alice. 

“Only a thimble,” said Alice, sadly. 

“Hand it over here,” said the Dodo. 

Then they all crowded round her once more, 
while the Dodo solemnly presented the thimble, 
saying, “We beg your acceptance of this elegant 
thimble;” and, when it had finished this short 
speech, they all cheered. 

Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, 
but they all looked so grave that she did not 
dare to laugh, and, as she could not think of 
anything to say, she simply bowed, and took 
the thimble, looking as solemn as she could. 

The next thing was to eat the comfits: this 
caused some noise and confusion, as the large 
birds complained that they could not taste 
theirs, and the small ones choked and had to 
be patted on the back. However, it was over 
at last, and they sat down again in a ring, and 
begged the Mouse to tell them something more, 
[ 52 ] 



The small ones choked and had to be 
patted on the back. 






A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE 


“You promised to tell me your history, you 
know,” said Alice, “and why it is you hate — 
C and D,” she added in a whisper, half afraid 
that it would be offended again. 

“Ah ! mine is a long and a sad tale !” said the 
Mouse, turning to Alice, and sighing. 

“It is a long tail, certainly,” said Alice, look- 
ing down with wonder at the Mouse’s tail; 
“but why do you call it sad?” And she kept 
on puzzling about it while the Mouse was 
speaking, so that her idea of the tale was some- 
thing like this: “Fury said to 
A mouse, That he 

met in the house, 

‘ Let us both 
go to law : I 
will prosecute 
you . — Come, 

I’ll take no 
denial : We 
must have 
a trial : 

For really 
this morn- 
ing I’ve 
nothing 
to do.’ 

Said the 


[55] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

mouse to the 
cur, ‘Such 
a trial, dear 
sir, With 
no jury or 
judge would 
be wast- 
ing our 
breath/ 

TU be 
judge, 

I'll be 
jury/ 
said 


cun- 

ning 

old 


“You are not attending!” said the Mouse to 
Alice, severely. “What are you thinking 
of?” 


“I beg your pardon,” said Alice very humbly: 
“you had got to the fifth bend, I think?” 

“I had not!” cried the Mouse, sharply, and 
very angrily. 

“A knot!” said Alice, always ready to make 
herself useful, and looking anxiously about her. 
“Oh, do let me help to undo it!” 

“I shall do nothing of the sort,” said the 

[ 56 ] 


A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE 

Mouse, getting up and walking away. “You 
insult me by talking such nonsense!” 

“I didn’t mean it !” pleaded poor Alice. “But 
you’re so easily offended, you know!” 

The Mouse only growled in reply. 

“Please come back, and finish your story!” 
Alice called after it; and the others all joined 
in chorus, “Yes, please do !” but the Mouse only 
shook its head impatiently and walked a little 
quicker. 

“What a pity it wouldn’t stay!” sighed the 
Lory, as soon as it was quite out of sight; and 
an old Crab took the opportunity of saying to 
her daughter, “Ah, my dear! Let this be a 
lesson to you never to lose your temper!” 
“Hold your tongue, Ma!” said the young Crab, 
a little snappishly. “You’re enough to try the 
patience of an oyster!” 

“I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I 
do!” said Alice aloud, addressing nobody in 
particular. “She’d soon fetch it back!” 

“And who is Dinah, if I might venture to 
ask the question?” said the Lory. 

Alice replied eagerly, for she was always 

[ 57 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

ready to talk about her pet. “Dinah’s our cat. 
And she’s such a capital one for catching mice, 
you can’t think ! And oh, I wish you could see 
her after the birds ! Why, she’ll eat a little bird 
as soon as look at it!” 

This speech caused a remarkable sensation 
among the party. Some of the birds hurried 
off at once: one old Magpie began wrapping 
itself up very carefully, remarking, “I really 
must be getting home; the night-air doesn’t 
suit my throat!” and a Canary called out in a 
trembling voice to its children, “Come away, 
my dears! It’s high time you were all in bed!” 
On various pretexts they all moved off, and 
Alice was soon left alone. 

“I wish I hadn’t mentioned Dinah !” she said 
to herself in a melancholy tone. “Nobody 
seems to like her, down here, and I’m sure she’s 
the best cat in the world! Oh, my dear Dinah, 
I wonder if I shall ever see you any more!” 
And here poor Alice began to cry again, for 
she felt very lonely and low-spirited. In a little 
while, however, she again heard a little patter- 
ns] 


A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE 

ing of footsteps in the distance, and she looked 
up eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had 
changed his mind, and was coming back to 
finish his story. 


[ 59 ] 


9 



« 




THE RABBIT SENDS IN 
A LITTLE BILL 








H , 





















CHAPTER IV 

THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL 

I T was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly 
back again, and looking anxiously about 
as it went, as if it had lost something; 
and she heard it muttering to itself, “The 
Duchess! The Duchess! Oh, my dear paws! 
Oh, my fur and whiskers! She’ll get me exe- 
cuted, as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where 
can I have dropped them, I wonder?” Alice 
guessed in a moment that it was looking for 
the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and 
she very good-naturedly began hunting about 
for them, but they were nowhere to be seen — 
everything seemed to have changed since her 
swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the 
glass table and the little door, had vanished 
completely. 

Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she 

[ 63 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

went hunting about, and called out to her in 
an angry tone, “Why, Mary Ann, what are you 
doing out here? Run home this moment and 
fetch me a pair of gloves and a fan! Quick, 
now!” And Alice was so much frightened 
that she ran off at once in the direction it 
pointed to, without trying to explain the mis- 
take that it had made. 

“He took me for his housemaid,” she said 
to herself as she ran. “How surprised he’ll 
be when he finds out who I am ! But I’d better 
take him his fan and gloves — that is if I can 
find them.” As she said this, she came upon 
a neat little house, on the door of which was 
a bright brass plate with the name “W. 
RABBIT,” engraved upon it. She went in 
without knocking, and hurried upstairs, in 
great fear lest she should meet the real Mary 
Ann, and be turned out of the house before 
she had found the fan and gloves. 

“How queer it seems,” Alice said to herself, 
“to be going messages for a rabbit! I suppose 
Dinah’ll be sending me on messages next!” 
And she began fancying the sort of thing that 

[64] 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL 


would happen: ‘“Miss Alice! Come here 
directly, and get ready for your walk!’ ‘Coming 
in a minute, nurse! But I’ve got to watch this 
mouse-hole till Dinah comes back, and see that 
the mouse doesn’t get out.’ Only I don’t think,” 
Alice went on, “that they’d let Dinah stop in 
the house if it began ordering people about like 
that!” 

By this time she had found her way into a 
tidy little room with a table in the window, 
and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two or 
three pairs of tiny white kid gloves: she took 
up the fan and a pair of the gloves, and was 
just going to leave the room, when her eye 
fell upon a little bottle that stood near the 
looking-glass. There was no label this time 
with the words “DRINK ME,” but neverthe- 
less, she uncorked it, and put it to her lips. 
“I know something interesting is sure to 
happen,” she said to herself, “whenever I eat 
or drink anything; so I’ll just see what this 
bottle does. I do hope it’ll make me grow 
large again, for really I’m quite tired of being 
such a tiny little thing!” 


[ 65 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

It did so indeed, and much sooner than she 
had expected: before she had drunk half the 
bottle, she found her head pressing against the 
ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck from 
being broken. She hastily put down the 
bottle, saying to herself, “That’s quite enough 
— I hope I shan’t grow any more. As it is, I 
can’t get out at the door — I do wish I hadn’t 
drunk quite so much !” 

Alas, it was too late to wish that! She went 
on growing and growing, and very soon had 
to kneel down on the floor: in another minute 
there was not even room for this, and she tried 
the effect of lying down with one elbow against 
the door, and the other arm curled round her 
head. Still she went on growing, and, as a 
last resource, she put one arm out of the 
window, and one foot up the chimney, and said 
to herself, “Now I can do no more, whatever 
happens. What will become of me?” 

Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had 
now had its full effect, and she grew no larger : 
still it was very uncomfortable, and, as there 
seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever 
[ 66 ] 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL 

getting out of the room again, no wonder she 
felt unhappy. 

“It was much pleasanter at home,” thought 
poor Alice, “when one wasn’t always growing 
larger and smaller, and being ordered about 
by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I hadn’t 
gone down that rabbit-hole — and yet — and yet 
— it’s rather curious, you know, this sort of life ! 
I do wonder what can have happened to me! 
When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that 
kind of thing never happened, and now here I 
am in the middle of one! There ought to be 
a book written about me, that there ought! 
And when I grow up, I’ll write one — but I’m 
grown up now,” she added in a sorrowful tone, 
“at least there’s no room to grow up any more 
here.” 

“But, then,” thought Alice, “shall I never 
get any older than I am now? That’ll be a 
comfort, one way — never to be an old woman 
— but then — always to have lessons to learn! 
Oh, I shouldn’t like that!” 

“Oh, you foolish Alice!” she answered her- 
self. “How can you learn lessons in here? 

[67] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

Why, there’s hardly room for you, and no room 
at all for any lesson-books!” 

And so she went on, taking first one side and 
then the other, and making quite a conversation 
of it altogether, but after a few minutes she 
heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen. 

“Mary Ann! Mary Ann!” said the voice, 
“fetch me my gloves this moment!” Then 
came a little pattering of feet on the stairs. 
Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look 
for her, and she trembled till she shook the 
house, quite forgetting that she was now about 
a thousand times as large as the Rabbit, and 
had no reason to be afraid of it. 

Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, 
and tried to open it, but, as the door opened 
inwards, and Alice’s elbow was pressed hard 
against it, that attempt proved a failure. Alice 
heard it say to itself, “Then I’ll go round and 
get in at the window.” 

“That you won’t!” thought Alice, and, after 
waiting till she fancied she heard the Rabbit 
just under the window, she suddenly spread out 
her hand, and made a snatch in the air. She 
[ 68 ] 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL 

did not get hold of anything, but she heard a 
little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken 
glass, from which she concluded that it was 
just possible it had fallen into a cucumber- 
frame, or something of the sort. 

Next came an angry voice — the Rabbit’s — 
“Pat ! Pat ! Where are you?” And then a voice 
she had never heard before, “Sure, then, I’m 
here ! Digging for apples, yer honour !” 

“Digging for apples, indeed!” said the Rabbit 
angrily. “Here! Come and help me out of 
this!” (Sounds of more broken glass.) 

“Now tell me, Pat, what’s that in the window?” 

“Sure, it’s an arm, yer honour!” (He pro- 
nounced it “arrum.”) 

“An arm, you goose! Who ever saw one 
that size? Why, it fills the whole window!” 

“Sure it does, yer honour: but it’s an arm, for 
all that.” 

“Well, it’s got no business there, at any rate : 
go and take it away!” 

There was a long silence after this, and Alice 
could only hear whispers now and then; such 
as, “Sure, I don’t like it, yer honour, at all, at 

[ 69 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

all!” “Do as I tell you, you coward!” and at 
last she spread out her hand again, and made 
another snatch in the air. This time there were 
two little shrieks, and more sounds of broken 
glass. “What a number of cucumber-frames 
there must be !” thought Alice. “I wonder 
what they’ll do next! As for pulling me out 
of the window, I only wish they could! I’m 
sure 1 don’t want to stay in here any longer !” 

She waited for some time without hearing 
anything more : at last came a rumbling of little 
cart-wheels, and the sound of a good many 
voices all talking together: she made out the 
words: “Where’s the other ladder? — Why, I 
hadn’t to bring but one; Bill’s got the other — 
Bill! fetch it here, lad! — Here, put ’em up at 
this corner — No, tie ’em together first — they 
don’t reach half high enough yet — Oh! they’ll 
do well enough; don’t be particular — Here, 
Bill! catch hold of this rope — Will the roof 
bear? — Mind that loose slate — Oh, it’s coming 
down! Heads below!” (a loud crash) — “Now, 
who did that? — It was Bill, I fancy — Who’s to 
go down the chimney? — Nay, / shan’t! You 
[ 70 ] 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL 

do it! That I won’t, then! — Bill’s got to go 
down — Here, Bill! the master says you’ve got 
to go down the chimney!” 

“Oh! So Bill’s got to come down the chim- 
ney, has he?” said Alice to herself. “Why, they 
seem to put everything upon Bill ! I wouldn’t 
be in Bill’s place for a good deal : this fireplace 
is narrow, to be sure; but I think I can kick a 
little !” 

She drew her foot as far down the chimney 
as she could, and waited till she heard a little 
animal (she couldn’t guess of what sort it was) 
scratching and scrambling about in the chimney 
close above her: then, saying to herself, “This 
is Bill,” she gave one sharp kick, and waited to 
see what would happen next. 

The first thing she heard was a general 
chorus of “There goes Bill !” then the Rabbit’s 
voice alone — “Catch him, you by the hedge!” 
then silence, and then another confusion of 
voices — “Hold up his head — Brandy now — 
Don’t choke him — How was it, old fellow? 
What happened to you? Tell us all about it!” 

Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice 

[7i] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

(“That’s Bill,” thought Alice). “Well, I 
hardly know — No more, thank-ye; I’m better 
now — but I’m a deal too flustered to tell you — 
all I know is, something comes at me like a 
Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes like a sky- 
rocket!” 

“So you did, old fellow!” said the others. 

“We must burn the house down!” said the 
Rabbit’s voice, and Alice called out as loud as 
she could, “If you do, I’ll set Dinah at you !” 

There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice 
thought to herself, “I wonder what they will do 
next! If they had any sense, they’d take the 
roof off.” After a minute or two, they began 
moving about again, and Alice heard the Rabbit 
say, “A barrowful will do, to begin with.” 

“A barrowful of what?” thought Alice; but 
she had not long to doubt, for the next moment 
a shower of little pebbles came rattling in at 
the window, and some of them hit her in the 
face. “I’ll put a stop to this,” she said to her- 
self, and shouted out, “You’d better not do that 
again!” which produced another dead silence. 

Alice noticed with some surprise that the 
[ 72 ] 



“No more, thank ye; Vm better now” [ 73 ] 










THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL 

pebbles were all turning into little cakes as they 
lay on the floor, and a bright idea came into 
her head. “If I eat one of these cakes,” she 
thought, “it’s sure to make some change in my 
size; and, as it can’t possibly make me larger, 
it must make me smaller, I suppose.” 

So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was 
delighted to find that she began shrinking 
directly. As soon as she was small enough to 
get through the door, she ran out of the house, 
and found quite a crowd of little animals and 
birds waiting outside. The poor little Lizard, 
Bill, was in the middle, being held up by two 
guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out 
of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice the 
moment she appeared; but she ran off as hard as 
she could, and soon found herself safe in a thick 
wood. 

“The first thing I’ve got to do,” said Alice 
to herself, as she wandered about in the wood, 
“is to grow to my right size again;, and the 
second thing is to find my way into that lovely 
garden. I think that will be the best plan.” 

It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and 

[ 75 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

very neatly and simply arranged; the only 
difficulty was, that she had not the smallest 
idea how to set about it; and while she was 
peering about anxiously among the trees, a 
little sharp bark just over her head made her 
look up in a great hurry. 

An enormous puppy was looking down at 
her with large round eyes, and feebly stretch- 
ing out one paw, trying to touch her. “Poor 
little thing!” said Alice, in a coaxing tone, 
and she tried hard to whistle to it; but she was 
terribly frightened all the time at the thought 
that it might be hungry, in which case it would 
be very likely to eat her up in spite of all her 
coaxing. 

Hardly knowing what she did, she picked 
up a little bit of stick, and held it out to the 
puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped into the 
air off all its feet at once with a yelp of 
delight, and rushed at the stick, and made 
believe to worry it; then Alice dodged behind 
a great thistle, to keep herself from being run 
over; and the moment she appeared on the 
other side, the puppy made another rush at the 
[ 76 ] 


THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL 


stick, and tumbled head over heels in its hurry 
to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was 
very like having a game of play with a cart- 
horse, and expecting every moment to be 
trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle 
again; then the puppy began a series of short 
charges at the stick, running a very little way 
forward each time and a long way back, and 
barking hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat 
down a good way off, panting, with its tongue 
hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes 
half shut. 

This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for 
making her escape, so she set off at once, and 
ran till she was quite tired and out of breath, 
and till the puppy’s bark sounded quite faint in 
the distance. 

“And yet what a dear little puppy it was!” 
said Alice, as she leant against a buttercup to 
rest herself, and fanned herself with one of the 
leaves: “I should have liked teaching it tricks 
very much, if — if I’d only been the right size 
to do it! Oh, dear! I’d nearly forgotten that 
I’ve got to grow up again! Let me see — how 

[ 77 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

is it to be managed? I suppose I ought to eat 
or drink something or other; but the great 
question is, what?” 

The great question certainly was, what? 
Alice looked all round her at the flowers and 
the blades of grass, but she could not see any- 
thing that looked like the right thing to eat or 
drink under the circumstances. There was a 
large mushroom growing near her, about the 
same height as herself, and, when she had 
looked under it, and on both sides of it, and 
behind it, it occurred to her that she might as 
well look and see what was on the top of it. 

She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and 
peeped over the edge of the mushroom, and 
her eyes immediately met those of a large blue 
caterpillar, that was sitting on the top with its 
arms folded, quietly smoking a long hookah, 
and taking not the smallest notice of her or of 
anything else. 




ADVICE FROM A 
CATERPILLAR 








































CHAPTER V 


ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR 

K I ^HE Caterpillar and Alice looked at each 
other for some time in silence: at last 
the Caterpillar took the hookah out of 
its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy 
voice. 

“Who are you?” said the Caterpillar. 

This was not an encouraging opening for a 
conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “I — 
I hardly know, sir, just at present — at least I 
know who I was when I got up this morning, 
but I think I must have been changed several 
times since then.” 

“What do you mean by that?” said the Cater- 
pillar sternly. “Explain yourself!” 

“I can’t explain myself, I’m afraid, sir,” said 
Alice, “because I’m not myself, you see.” 

“I don’t see,” said the Caterpillar. 

[81] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“I’m afraid I can’t put it more clearly,” Alice 
replied very politely, “for I can’t understand it 
myself, to begin with; and being so many 
different sizes in a day is very confusing.” 

“It isn’t,” said the Caterpillar. 

“Well, perhaps you haven’t found it so yet,” 
said Alice; “but when you have to turn into 
a chrysalis — you will some day, you know — 
and then after that into a butterfly, I should 
think you’ll feel it a little queer, won’t you?” 

“Not a bit,” said the Caterpillar. 

“Well, perhaps your feelings may be differ- 
ent,” said Alice; “all I know is, it would feel 
very queer to me.” 

“You !” said the Caterpillar contemptuously. 
“Who are you?” 

Which brought them back again to the be : 
ginning of the conversation. Alice felt a little 
irritated at the Caterpillar’s making such very 
short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, 
very gravely, “I think you ought to tell me 
who you are first.” 

“Why?” said the Caterpillar. 

Here was another puzzling question; and 

[82] 


ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR 

as Alice could not think of any good reason, 
and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a very 
unpleasant state of mind, she turned away. 

“Come back!” the Caterpillar called after 
her. “I’ve something important to say!” 

This sounded promising, certainly: Alice 
turned and came back again. 

“Keep your temper,” said the Caterpillar. 

“Is that all?” said Alice, swallowing down 
her anger as well as she could. 

“No,” said the Caterpillar. 

Alice thought she might as well wait, as she 
had nothing else to do, and perhaps after all 
it might tell her something worth hearing. For 
some minutes it puffed away without speaking, 
but at last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah 
out of its mouth again, and said, “So you think 
you’re changed, do you?” 

“I’m afraid I am, sir,” said Alice; “I can’t 
remember things as I used — and I don’t keep 
the same size for ten minutes together!” 

“Can’t remember what things?” said the 
Caterpillar. 

“Well, I’ve tried to say, ‘How doth the little 

[ 83 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 


busy bee,’ but it all came different!” Alice re- 
plied in a very melancholy voice. 

“Repeat, ‘You are old, Father W illiarn’ ” 
said the Caterpillar. 

Alice folded her hands, and began : — 

“ You are old, Father William.’’ the young man said, 
“And your hair has become very white; 

And yet you incessantly stand on your head — 

Do you think , at your age, it is right?” 

“In my youth” Father William replied to his son, 

“I feared it might injure the brain; 

But now that Fm perfectly sure I have none, 

Why, I do it again and again.” 

“You are old,” said the youth, “as I mentioned before, 
And have grown most uncommonly fat; 

Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door — 
Pray what is the reason of that?” 

“In my youth,” said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, 
I kept all my limbs very supple 
By the use of this ointment — one shilling the box — 
Allow me to sell you a couple.” 

“You are old,” said the youth, “and your jaws are too 
weak 

For anything tougher than suet; 

[84] 


ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR 

Yet you finished the goose , with the bones and the 
beak — 

Pray, how did you manage to do it?” 

“In my youth,” said his father, “I took to the law, 

And argued each case with my wife; 

And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw, 
Has lasted the rest of my life” 

“You are old,” said the youth; “one would hardly sup- 
pose 

T hat your eye was as steady as ever; 

Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose — 
What made you so awfully clever ?” 

“I have answered three questions, and that is enough ” 
Said his father; “dont give yourself airs! 

Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? 

Be off, or I’ll kick you down-stairs!” 

“That is not said right,” said the Cater- 
pillar. 

“Not quite right, I’m afraid,” said Alice 
timidly; “some of the words have got altered.” 

“It is wrong from beginning to end,” said 
the Caterpillar decidedly, and there was silence 
for some minutes. 

The Caterpillar was the first to speak. 

[ 85 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“What size do you want to be?” it asked. 

“Oh, I’m not particular as to size!” Alice 
hastily replied; “only one doesn’t like changing 
so often, you know.” 

“I don’t know,” said the Caterpillar. 

Alice said nothing: she had never been so 
much contradicted in all her life before, and 
she felt that she was losing her temper. 

“Are you content now?” said the Cater- 
pillar. 

“Well, I should like to be a little larger, sir, 
if you wouldn’t mind,” said Alice: “three inches 
is such a wretched height to be.” 

“It is a very good height indeed!” said the 
Caterpillar angrily, rearing itself upright as it 
spoke (it was exactly three inches high). 

“But I’m not used to it!” pleaded poor Alice 
in a piteous tone. And she thought to herself, 
“I wish the creatures wouldn’t be so easily 
offended!” 

“You’ll get used to it in time,” said the Cater- 
pillar; and it put the hookah into its mouth 
and began smoking again. 

This time Alice waited patiently until it chose 

[ 86 ] 



“It is a very good height indeed!” said [ 87 ] 
the caterpillar, angrily . 






ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR 

to speak again. In a minute or two the Cater- 
pillar took the hookah out of its mouth and 
yawned once or twice, and shook itself. Then 
it got down off the mushroom, and crawled 
away into the grass, merely remarking as it went, 
“One side will make you grow taller, and the 
other side will make you grow shorter.” 

“One side of what? The other side of 
what?” thought Alice to herself. 

“Of the mushroom,” said the Caterpillar, just 
as if she had asked it aloud; and in another 
moment it was out of sight. 

Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the 
mushroom for a minute, trying to make out 
which were the two sides of it; and as it was 
perfectly round, she found this a very difficult 
question. However, at last she stretched her 
arms around it as far as they would go, and 
broke off a bit of the edge with each hand. 

“And now which is which?” she said to 
herself, and nibbled a little of the right-hand 
bit to try the effect: the next moment she felt 
a violent blow underneath her chin; it had 
struck her foot 1 


[89] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

She was a good deal frightened by this very 
sudden change, but she felt that there was no 
time to be lost, as she was shrinking rapidly; 
so she set to work at once to eat some of the 
other bit. Her chin was pressed so closely 
against her foot, that there was hardly room 
to open her mouth; but she did it at last, and 
managed to swallow a morsel of the left-hand 
bit. 

***** 

* * * * 
***** 

“Come, my head’s free at last!” said Alice, 
in a tone of delight, which changed into alarm 
in another moment, when she found that her 
shoulders were nowhere to be found: all she 
could see when she looked down was an im- 
mense length of neck, which seemed to rise 
like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay 
far below her. 

“What can all that green stuff be?” said 
Alice. 

“And where have my shoulders got to? And 
oh, my poor hands, how is it I can’t see you?” 

[ 90 ] 


ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR 


She was moving them about as she spoke, but 
no result seemed to follow, except a little 
shaking among the distant green leaves. 

As there seemed to be no chance of getting 
her hands up to her head, she tried to get her 
head down to them, and was delighted to find 
that her neck would bend about easily in any 
direction, like a serpent. She had just suc- 
ceeded in curving it down into a graceful zig- 
zag, and was going to dive in among the leaves, 
which she found to be nothing but the tops of 
the trees under which she had been wandering, 
when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a 
hurry: a large pigeon had flown into her face, 
and was beating her violently with its wings. 

“Serpent !” screamed the Pigeon. 

“I’m not a serpent!” said Alice indignantly. 
“Let me alone!” 

“Serpent, I say again!” repeated the Pigeon, 
but in a more subdued tone, and added with a 
kind of sob, “I’ve tried every way, and nothing 
seems to suit them!” 

“I haven’t the least idea what you’re talking 
about,” said Alice. 


[9i] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“I’ve tried the roots of trees, and I’ve tried 
banks, and I’ve tried hedges,” the Pigeon went 
on, without attending to her; “but those 
serpents ! There’s no pleasing them !” 

Alice was more and more puzzled, but she 
thought there was no use in saying anything 
more till the Pigeon had finished. 

“As if it wasn’t trouble enough hatching the 
eggs,” said the Pigeon, “but I must be on the 
look-out for serpents night and day! Why, I 
haven’t had a wink of sleep these three weeks !” 

“I’m very sorry you’ve been annoyed,” said 
Alice, who was beginning to see its meaning. 

“And just as I’d taken the highest tree in 
the wood,” continued the Pigeon, raising its 
voice to a shriek, “and just as I was thinking 
I should be free of them at last, they must needs 
come wriggling down from the sky! Ugh! 
Serpent!” 

“But I’m not a serpent, I tell you !” said Alice. 
“I’m a I’m a ” 

“Well! What are you?” said the Pigeon. 
“I can see you’re trying to invent something.” 

“I — I’m a little girl,” said Alice, rather doubt- 
[ 92 ] 


ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR 

fully, as she remembered the number of changes 
she had gone through that day. 

“A likely story indeed!” said the Pigeon, in 
a tone of the deepest contempt. “I’ve seen a 
good many little girls in my time, but never one 
with such a neck as that! No, no! You’re a 
serpent; and there’s no use denying it. I sup- 
pose you’ll be telling me next that you never 
tasted an egg.” 

“I have tasted eggs, certainly,” said Alice, 
who was a very truthful child; “but little girls 
eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you 
know.” 

“I don’t believe it,” said the Pigeon; “but 
if they do, why, then they’re a kind of serpent, 
that’s all I can say.” 

This was such a new idea to Alice that she 
was quite silent for a minute or two, which gave 
the Pigeon the opportunity of adding, 

“You’re looking for eggs, I know that well 
enough; and what does it matter to me whether 
you’re a little girl or a serpent?” 

“It matters a good deal to me,” said Alice, 
hastily; “but I’m not looking for eggs, as it 

[ 93 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 
happens; and if I was, I shouldn’t want yours: 
I don’t like them raw.” 

“Well, be off, then!” said the Pigeon, in a 
sulky tone, as it settled down again into its nest. 

Alice crouched down among the trees as well 
as she could, for her neck kept getting 
entangled among the branches, and every now 
and then she had to stop and untwist it. After 
a while she remembered that she still held the 
pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set 
to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and 
then at the other, and growing sometimes taller 
and sometimes shorter, until she had succeeded 
in bringing herself down to her usual height. 

It was so long since she had been anything 
near the right size that it felt quite strange at 
first, but she got used to it in a few minutes 
and began talking to herself, as usual. 

“Come,” she said, “there’s half my plan done 
now! How puzzling all these changes are! 
I’m never sure what I’m going to be, from one 
minute to another ! However, I’ve got back to 
my right size: the next thing is, to get into that 
beautiful garden — how is that to be done, I 
[ 94 ] 


ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR 

wonder?” As she said this, she came suddenly 
upon an open place, with a little house in it 
about four feet high. “Whoever lives there,” 
thought Alice, “it’ll never do to come upon 
them this size : why, I should frighten them out 
of their wits!” So she began nibbling at the 
right-hand bit again, and did not venture to 
go near the house till she had brought herself 
down to nine inches high. 


[ 95 ] 



PIG AND PEPPER 













t 
























CHAPTER VI 


PIG AND PEPPER 

F OR a minute or two she stood looking 
at the house, and wondering what to 
do next, when suddenly a footman in 
livery came running out of the wood — (she con- 
sidered him to be a footman because he was in 
livery: otherwise, judging by his face only, she 
would have called him a fish) — and rapped 
loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was 
opened by another footman in livery, with a 
round face and large eyes like a frog ; and both 
footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered hair that 
curled all over their heads. She felt very curi- 
ous to know what it was all about, and crept a 
little way out of the wood to listen. 

The Fish-Footman began by producing 
from under his arm a great letter, nearly as 
large as himself, and this he handed over to 
the other, saying, in a solemn tone, “For the 

[ 99 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to 
play croquet.” The Frog-Footman repeated, 
in the same solemn tone, only changing the 
order of the words a little, “From the Queen. 
An invitation for the Duchess to play 
croquet.” 

Then they both bowed low, and their curls 
got entangled together. 

Alice laughed so much at this, that she had 
to run back into the wood for fear of their 
hearing her; and when she next peeped out 
the Fish-Footman was gone, and the other 
was sitting on the ground near the door, 
staring stupidly up into the sky. 

Alice went timidly up to the door, and 
knocked. 

“There’s no sort of use in knocking,” said 
the Footman, “and that for two reasons. 
First, because I’m on the same side of the 
door as you are; secondly, because they’re 
making such a noise inside, no one could 
possibly hear you.” And certainly there was 
a most extraordinary noise going on within — 
a constant howling and sneezing, and every 
[ioo] 


PIG AND PEPPER 

now and then a great crash, as if a dish or 
kettle had been broken to pieces. 

“Please, then,” said Alice, “how am I to 
get in?” 

“There might be some sense in your knock- 
ing,” the Footman went on, without attending 
to her, “if we had the door between us. For 
instance, if you were inside, you might knock, 
and I could let you out, you know.” He was 
looking up into the sky all the time he was 
speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly 
uncivil. “But perhaps he can’t help it,” she 
said to herself; “his eyes are so very nearly 
at the top of his head. But, at any rate, he 
might answer questions. How am I to get 
in?” she repeated aloud. 

“I shall sit here,” the Footman remarked, 
“till to-morrow ” 

At this moment the door of the house 
opened, and a large plate came skimming out, 
straight at the Footman’s head: it just grazed 
his nose, and broke to pieces against one of 
the trees behind him. 

“ or next day, maybe,” the Footman 

[ioi] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

continued in the same tone, exactly as if 
nothing had happened. 

“How am I to get in?” asked Alice again 
in a louder tone. 

“/Ire you to get in at all?” said the Foot- 
man. “That’s the first question, you know.” 

It was, no doubt: only Alice did not like 
to be told so. “It’s really dreadful,” she mut- 
tered to herself, “the way all the creatures 
argue. It’s enough to drive one crazy!” 

The Footman seemed to think this a good 
opportunity of repeating his remark, with vari- 
ations. “I shall sit here,” he said, “on and 
off, for days and days.” 

“But what am I to do?” said Alice. 

“Anything you like,” said the Footman, and 
began whistling. 

“Oh, there’s no use in talking to him,” said 
Alice, desperately; “he’s perfectly idiotic!” 
And she opened the door and went in. 

The door led right into a large kitchen, 
which was full of smoke from one end to the 
other: the Duchess was sitting on a three- 
legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; 

[102] 


PIG AND PEPPER 


the cook was leaning over the fire, stirring a 
large cauldron which seemed to be full of soup. 

“There’s certainly too much pepper in that 
soup!” Alice said to herself, as well as she 
could for sneezing. 

There was certainly too much of it in the 
air. Even the Duchess sneezed occasionally; 
and as for the baby, it was sneezing and howl- 
ing alternately without a moment’s pause. 
The only creatures in the kitchen that did not 
sneeze were the cook and a large cat which 
was sitting on the hearth and grinning from 
ear to ear. 

“Please, would you tell me,” said Alice a 
little timidly, for she was not quite sure whether 
it was good manners for her to speak first, 
“why your cat grins like that?” 

“It’s a Cheshire Cat,” said the Duchess, 
“and that’s why. Pig!” 

She said the last word with such sudden 
violence that Alice quite jumped; but she saw 
in another moment that it was addressed to the 
baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and 
went on again: 


[103] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“I didn’t know that Cheshire Cats always 
grinned; in fact, I didn’t know that cats could 
grin.” 

“They all can,” said the Duchess; “and 
most of ’em do.” 

“I don’t know of any that do,” Alice said 
very politely, feeling quite pleased to have got 
into a conversation. 

“You don’t know much,” said the Duchess; 
“and that’s a fact.” 

Alice did not at all like the tone of this 
remark, and thought it would be as well to 
introduce some other subject of conversation. 
While she was trying to fix on one, the cook 
took the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at 
once set to work throwing everything within 
her reach at the Duchess and the baby — the 
fire-irons came first; then followed a shower 
of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess 
took no notice of them even when they hit 
her; and the baby was howling so much 
already that it was quite impossible to say 
whether the blows hurt it or not. 

“Oh, phase mind what you’re doing!” 

[104] 





“ Please would you tell me” said Alice, a [1053 
little timidly , “why your cat grins like 


that?” 











. 

. 































PIG AND PEPPER 

cried Alice, jumping up and down in an agony 
of terror. “Oh, there goes his precious nose !” 
as an unusually large saucepan flew close by it, 
and very nearly carried it off. 

“If everybody minded their own business,” 
said the Duchess, in a hoarse growl, “the 
world would go round a deal faster than it 
does.” 

“Which would not be an advantage,” said 
Alice, who felt very glad to get an oppor- 
tunity of showing off a little of her knowledge. 
“Just think what work it would make with 
the day and night! You see, the earth 
takes twenty-four hours to turn round on its 
axis ” 

“Talking of axes,” said the Duchess, “chop 
off her head!” 

Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, 
to see if she meant to take the hint; but the 
cook was busily stirring the soup, and seemed 
not to be listening, so she went on again: 

“Twenty-four hours, I think; or is it 
twelve? I ” 

“Oh, don’t bother me!” said the Duchess; 

[107] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 


“I never could abide figures!” And with 
that she began nursing her child again, 
singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, 
and giving it a violent shake at the end of 
every line: — 

“Speak roughly to your little boy , 

And beat him when he sneezes ; 

He only does it to annoy , 

Because he knows it teases” 

Chorus. 

(In which the cook and the baby joined) : 

“W ow! wow! wow!” 

While the Duchess sang the second verse of 
the song, she kept tossing the baby violently 
up and down, and the poor little thing howled 
so, that Alice could hardly hear the words: — 

“I speak severely to my boy , 

I beat him when he sneezes; 

For he can thoroughly enjoy 
The pepper when he pleases!” 

Chorus. 

“Wow! wow! wow!” 

“Here, you may nurse it a bit, if you 
like!” said the Duchess to Alice, flinging the 
[!08] 


PIG AND PEPPER 

baby at her as she spoke. “I must go and 
get ready to play croquet with the Queen,” 
and she hurried out of the room. The cook 
threw a frying-pan after her as she went, but 
it just missed her. 

Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, 
and it was a queer-shaped little creature, and 
held out its arms and legs in all directions, 
“just like a star-fish,” thought Alice. The 
poor little thing was snorting like a steam- 
engine when she caught it, and kept doubling 
itself up and straightening itself out again, so 
that altogether, for the first minute or two, it 
was as much as she could do to hold it. 

As soon as she had made out the proper 
way of nursing it (which was to twist it up 
into a sort of knot, and then keep tight hold 
of its right ear and left foot, so as to prevent 
its undoing itself), she carried it out into the 
open air. “If I don’t take this child away 
with me,” thought Alice, “they’re sure to kill 
it in a day or two: wouldn’t it be murder to 
leave it behind?” She said the last words out 
loud, and the little thing grunted in reply (it 

[109] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

had left off sneezing by this time). “Don’t 
grunt,” said Alice; “that’s not at all a proper 
way of expressing yourself.” 

The baby grunted again, and Alice looked 
very anxiously into its face to see what was the 
matter with it. There could be no doubt that 
it had a very turn-up nose, much more like a 
snout than a real nose; also its eyes were get- 
ting extremely small for a baby: altogether 
Alice did not like the look of the thing at all. 
“But perhaps it was only sobbing,” she thought, 
and looked into its eyes again, to see if there 
were any tears. 

No, there were no tears. “If you’re going 
to turn into a pig, my dear,” said Alice, seri- 
ously, “I’ll have nothing more to do with you. 
Mind now !” The poor little thing sobbed again 
(or grunted, it was impossible to say which), 
and they went on for some while in silence. 

Alice was just beginning to think to herself, 
“Now, what am I to do with this creature when 
I get it home?” when it grunted again, so 
violently that she looked down into its face in 
some alarm. This time there could be no mis- 
[iio] 



[Ill] 


She set the little creature down. 





















PIG AND PEPPER 

take about it : it was neither more nor less than 
a pig, and she felt that it would be quite absurd 
for her to carry it any further. So she set the 
little creature down, and felt quite relieved to 
see it trot away quietly into the wood. “If it 
had grown up,” she said to herself, “it would 
have made a dreadfully ugly child: but it makes 
rather a handsome pig I think.” And she 
began thinking over other children she knew, 
who might do very well as pigs, and was just 
saying to herself, “if one only knew the right 

way to change them ” when she was a little 

startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on 
a bough of a tree a few yards off. 

The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It 
looked good-natured, she thought: still it had 
very long claws and a great many teeth, so she 
felt that it ought to be treated with respect. 

“Cheshire Puss,” she began, rather timidly, 
as she did not at all know whether it would 
like the name : however, it only grinned a little 
wider. “Come, it’s pleased so far,” thought 
Alice, and she went on, “Would you tell me, 
please, which way I ought to \yalk from here?” 

[ii3] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“That depends a good deal on where you 
want to get to,” said the Cat. 

“I don’t much care where ” said Alice. 

“Then it doesn’t matter which way you walk,” 
said the Cat. 

“ so long as I get somewhere ” Alice 

added as an explanation. 

“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, 
“if you only walk long enough!” 

Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she 
tried another question. “What sort of people 
live about here?” 

“In that direction,” the Cat said, waving its 
right paw round, “lives a Hatter: and in that 
direction,” waving the other paw, “lives a 
March Hare. Visit either you like: they’re 
both mad.” 

“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” 
Alice remarked. 

“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat; 
“we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.” 

“How do you know I’m mad'?” said Alice. 

“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you 
wouldn’t have come here.” 

[ 114 ] 


PIG AND PEPPER 

Alice didn’t think that proved it at all; 
however, she went on: “And how do you 
know that you’re mad?” 

“To begin with,” said the Cat, “a dog’s 
not mad. You grant that?” 

“I suppose so,” said Alice. 

“Well, then,” the Cat went on, “you see a 
dog growls when it’s angry, and wags its tail 
when it’s pleased. Now, I growl when I’m 
pleased, and wag my tail when I’m angry. 
Therefore I’m mad.” 

“I call it purring, not growling,” said Alice. 

“Call it what you like,” said the Cat. “Do 
you play croquet with the Queen to-day?” 

“I should like it very much,” said Alice, 
“but I haven’t been invited yet.” 

“You’ll see me there,” said the Cat, and 
vanished. 

Alice was not much surprised at this, she was 
getting so well used to queer things happening. 
While she was still looking at the place where 
it had been, it suddenly appeared again. 

“By-the-bye, what became of the baby?” said 
the Cat. “I’d nearly forgotten to ask.” 

[« 5 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“It turned into a pig,” Alice answered very 
quietly, just as if the Cat had come back in a 
natural way. 

“I thought it would,” said the Cat, and van- 
ished again. 

Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it 
again, but it did not appear, and after a minute 
or two she walked on in the direction in which 
the March Hare was said to live. “I’ve seen 
hatters before,” she said to herself: “the March 
Hare will be much the most interesting, and 
perhaps as this is May it won’t be raving mad 
— at least, not so mad as it was in March.” 
As she said this, she looked up, and there was 
the Cat again, sitting on a branch of a tree. 

“Did you say pig, or fig?” said the Cat. 

“I said pig,” replied Alice; “and I wish 
you wouldn’t keep appearing and vanishing 
so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.” 

“All right,” said the Cat; and this time it 
vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end 
of the tail, and ending with the grin, which 
remained some time after the rest of it had 
gone. 


PIG AND PEPPER 

“Well! I’ve often seen a cat without a grin,” 
thought Alice; “but a grin without a cat! It’s 
the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!” 

She had not gone much farther before she 
came in sight of the house of the March Hare: 
she thought it must be the right house, be- 
cause the chimneys were shaped like ears and 
the roof was thatched with fur. It was so 
large a house that she did not like to go nearer 
till she had nibbled some more of the left-hand 
bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about 
two feet high: even then she walked up towards 
it rather timidly, saying to herself, “Suppose 
it should be raving mad after all! I almost 
wish I’d gone to see the Hatter instead!” 


f 





A MAD TEA-PARTY 




















CHAPTER VII 


A MAD TEA-PARTY 

T HERE was a table set out under a tree 
in front of the house, and the March 
Hare and the Hatter were having tea at 
it: a Dormouse was sitting between them fast 
asleep, and the other two were using it as a 
cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talk- 
ing over its head. “Very uncomfortable for 
the Dormouse,” thought Alice, “only, as it’s 
asleep, I suppose it doesn’t mind.” 

The table was a large one, but the three 
were all crowded together at one corner of it: 
“No room! No room!” they cried out when 
they saw Alice coming. 

“There’s plenty of room!” said Alice, indig- 
nantly, and she sat down in a large armchair 
at one end of the table. 

“Have some wine,” the March Hare said in 
an encouraging tone. 


[121] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 


Alice looked all round the table, but there 
was nothing on it but tea. “I don’t see any 
wine,” she remarked. 

“There isn’t any,” said the March Hare. 

“Then it wasn’t very civil of you to offer 
it,” said Alice, angrily. 

“It wasn’t very civil of you to sit down with- 
out being invited,” said the March Hare. 

“I didn’t know it was your table,” said Alice ; 
“it’s laid for a great many more than three.” 

“Your hair wants cutting,” said the Hatter. 
He had been looking at Alice for some time 
with great curiosity, and this was his first 
speech. 

“You should learn not to make personal 
remarks,” Alice said, with some severity; “it’s 
very rude.” 

The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on 
hearing this; but all he said was, “Why is a 
raven like a writing-desk?” 

“Come, we shall have some fun now!” 
thought Alice. “I’m glad they’ve begun 
asking riddles — I believe I can guess that,” 
she added aloud. 

[122] 



" Very uncomfortable for the dormouse,” [123] 
thought Alice . 

















A MAD TEA-PARTY 


“Do you mean that you think you can find 
out the answer to it?” said the March Hare. 

“Exactly so,” said Alice. 

“Then you should say what you mean,” the 
March Hare went on. 

“I do,” Alice hastily replied; “at least — at 
least I mean what I say — that’s the same thing, 
you know.” 

“Not the same thing a bit!” said the Hatter. 
“Why, you might just as well say that ‘I see 
what I eat’ is the same thing as ‘I eat what I 
see’!” 

“You might just as well say,” added the 
March Hare, “that ‘I like what I get’ is the 
same thing as ‘I get what I like’!” 

“You might just as well say,” added the 
Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his 
sleep, “that ‘I breathe when I sleep’ is the same 
thing as ‘I sleep when I breathe’ !” 

“It is the same thing with you,” said the 
Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and 
the party sat silent for a minute, while Alice 
thought over all she could remember about 
ravens and writing-desks, which wasn’t much. 

[125] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

The Hatter was the first to break the silence. 

“What day of the month is it?” he said, turn- 
ing to Alice: he had taken his watch out of 
his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, 
shaking it every now and then, and holding 
it to his ear. 

Alice considered a little, and said, “The 
fourth.” 

“Two days wrong!” sighed the Hatter. “I 
told you butter wouldn’t suit the works!” he 
added, looking angrily at the March Hare. 

“It was the best butter,” the March Hare 
meekly replied. 

“Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as 
well,” the Hatter grumbled: “you shouldn’t 
have put it in with the bread-knife.” 

The March Hare took the watch and looked 
at it gloomily: then he dipped it into his cup 
of tea, and looked at it again; but he could 
think of nothing better to say than his first re- 
mark, “It was the best butter, you know.” 

Alice had been looking over his shoulder 
with some curiosity. “What a funny watch!” 
[126] 


A MAD TEA-PARTY 

she remarked. “It tells the day of the month, 
and doesn’t tell what o’clock it is!” 

“Why should it?” muttered the Hatter. 
“Does your watch tell you what year it is?” 

“Of course not,” Alice replied very readily: 
“but that’s because it stays the same year for 
such a long time together.” 

“Which is just the case with mine,” said the 
Hatter. 

Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter’s 
remark seemed to have no sort of meaning in 
it, and yet it was certainly English. “I don’t 
quite understand you,” she said, as politely as 
she could. 

“The Dormouse is asleep again,” said the 
Hatter, and he poured a little hot tea on to 
its nose. 

The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, 
and said, without opening its eyes, “Of 
course, of course; just what I was going to 
remark myself.” 

“Have you guessed the riddle yet?” the 
Hatter said, turning to Alice. 


[ I2 7] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“No, I give it up,” Alice replied; “what’s 
the answer?” 

“I haven’t the slightest idea,” said the Hatter. 

“Nor I,” said the March Hare. 

Alice sighed wearily. “I think you might 
do something better with the time,” she said, 
“than wasting it in asking riddles that have 
no answers.” 

“If you knew Time as well as I do,” said 
the Hatter, “you wouldn’t talk about wasting 
it. It’s him.” 

“I don’t know what you mean,” said Alice. 

“Of course you don’t!” the Hatter said, toss- 
ing his head contemptuously. “I dare say you 
never even spoke to Time!” 

“Perhaps not,” Alice cautiously replied ; “but 
I know I have to beat time when I learn music.” 

“Ah! that accounts for it,” said the Hatter. 
“He won’t stand beating. Now, if you only 
kept on good terms with him, he’d do almost 
anything you liked with the clock. For 
instance, suppose it were nine o’clock in the 
morning, just time to begin lessons : you’d only 
have to whisper a hint to Time, and round 
[128] 


A MAD TEA-PARTY 

goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, 
time for dinner !” 

(“I only wish it was,” the March Hare said 
to itself in a whisper.) 

“That would be grand, certainly,” said Alice 
thoughtfully: “but then — I shouldn’t be hungry 
for it, you know.” 

“Not at first, perhaps,” said the Hatter: “but 
you could keep it to half-past one as long as 
you liked.” 

“Is that the way you manage?” Alice asked. 
The Hatter shook his head mournfully. 
“Not I!” he replied. “We quarrelled last 

March just before he went mad, you 

know ” (pointing with his teaspoon at the 

March Hare), “ it was at the great concert 

given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to 
sing 

‘Twinkle, twinkle, little bat I 
How I wonder what you 9 re at!’ 

You know the song, perhaps?” 

“I’ve heard something like it,” said Alice. 
“It goes on, you know,” the Hatter con- 
tinued, “in this way: — 


[129] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

'Up above the world you fly, 

Like a tea-tray in the sky. 

Twinkle, twinkle ’ ” 

Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began 
singing in its sleep, “ Twinkle , twinkle, twinkle, 

twinkle ” and went on so long that they 

had to pinch it to make it stop. 

“Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse,” 
said the Hatter, “when the Queen bawled out, 
‘He’s murdering the time ! Off with his head !’ ” 

“How dreadfully savage!” exclaimed Alice. 

“And ever since that,” the Hatter went on 
in a mournful tone, “he won’t do a thing I 
ask! It’s always six o’clock now.” 

A bright idea came into Alice’s head. “Is 
that the reason so many tea-things are put out 
here?” she asked. 

“Yes, that’s it,” said the Hatter with a sigh: 
“it’s always tea-time, and we’ve no time to 
wash the things between whiles.” 

“Then you keep moving round, I suppose?” 
said Alice. 

“Exactly so,” said the Hatter; “as the things 
get used up.” 


A MAD TEA-PARTY 

“But when you come to the beginning 
again?” Alice ventured to ask. 

“Suppose we change the subject,” the March 
Hare interrupted, yawning. “I’m getting tired 
of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.” 

“I’m afraid I don’t know one,” said Alice, 
rather alarmed at the proposal. 

“Then the Dormouse shall !” they both cried. 
“Wake up, Dormouse!” And they pinched 
it on both sides at once. 

The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. “I 
wasn’t asleep,” he said, in a hoarse, feeble 
voice; “I heard every word you fellows were 
saying.” 

“Tell us a story!” said the March Hare. 

“Yes, please do!” pleaded Alice. 

“And be quick about it,” added the Hatter, 
“or you’ll be asleep again before it’s done.” 

“Once upon a time there were three little 
sisters,” the Dormouse began, in a great 
hurry; “and their names were Elsie, Lacie, 
and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a 
well ” 

“What did they live on?” said Alice, who 

[I3i] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

always took a great interest in questions of 
eating and drinking. 

“They lived on treacle,” said the Dormouse, 
after thinking a minute or two. 

“They couldn’t have done that, you know,” 
Alice gently remarked; “they’d have been 

ill.” 

“So they were,” said the Dormouse; “ very 
ill.” 

Alice tried a little to fancy to herself what 
such an extraordinary way of living would be 
like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went 
on: “But why did they live at the bottom of 
a well?” 

“Take some more tea,” the March Hare said 
to Alice, very earnestly. 

“I’ve had nothing yet,” Alice replied in an 
offended tone, “so I can’t take more.” 

“You mean you can’t take less” said the 
Hatter: “it’s very easy to take more than 
nothing.” 

“Nobody asked your opinion,” said Alice. 

“Who’s making personal remarks now?” the 
Hatter asked triumphantly. 

[ 132 ] 


A MAD TEA-PARTY 

Alice did not quite know what to say to 
this: so she helped herself to some tea and 
bread-and-butter, and then turned to the Dor- 
mouse, and repeated her question: “Why did 
they live at the bottom of a well?” 

The Dormouse again took a minute or two 
to think about it, and then said, “It was a 
treacle-well.” 

“There’s no such thing!” Alice was begin- 
ning very angrily, but the Hatter and the 
March Hare went “Sh! sh!” and the Dor- 
mouse sulkily remarked, “If you can’t be civil, 
you’d better finish the story for yourself.” 

“No, please go on!” Alice said very humbly: 
“I won’t interrupt you again. I dare say there 
may be one? 

“One, indeed!” said the Dormouse, indig- 
nantly. However, he consented to go on. 
“And so these three little sisters — they were 
learning to draw, you know ” 

“What did they draw?” said Alice, quite 
forgetting her promise. 

“Treacle,” said the Dormouse, without con- 
sidering at all this time. 

[ 133 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“I want a clean cup,” interrupted the Hatter : 
“let’s all move one place on.” 

He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse 
followed him: the March Hare moved into the 
Dormouse’s place, and Alice rather unwillingly 
took the place of the March Hare. The Hat- 
ter was the only one who got any advantage 
from the change: and Alice was a good deal 
worse off than before, as the March Hare had 
just upset the milk-jug into his plate. 

Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse 
again, so she began very cautiously: “But I 
don’t understand. Where did they draw the 
treacle from?” 

“You can draw water out of a water-well,” 
said the Hatter; “so I should think you could 
draw treacle out of a treacle-well — eh, stupid?” 

“But they were in the well,” Alice said to 
the Dormouse, not choosing to notice this last 
remark. 

“Of course they were,” said the Dormouse, 
—“well in.” 

This answer so confused poor Alice that she 

[ 134 ] 


A MAD TEA-PARTY 

let the Dormouse go on for some time without 
interrupting it. 

“They were learning to draw,” the Dormouse 
went on, yawning and rubbing its eyes, for it 
was getting very sleepy; “and they drew all 
manner of things — everything that begins with 
an M ” 

“Why with an M?” said Alice. 

“Why not?” said the March Hare. 

Alice was silent. 

The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this 
time, and was going off into a doze; but, on 
being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up again 

with a little shriek, and went on: “ that 

begins with an M, such as mousetraps, and the 
moon, and memory, and muchness — you know 
you say things are ‘much of a muchness’ — did 
you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a 
muchness?” 

“Really, now you ask me,” said Alice, very 
much confused, “I don’t think ” 

“Then you shouldn’t talk,” said the Hatter. 

This piece of rudeness was more than Alice 

[ 135 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

could bear: she got up in great disgust and 
walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, 
and neither of the others took the least notice 
of her going, though she looked back once 
or twice, half hoping that they would call 
after her: the last time she saw them, they 
were trying to put the Dormouse into the 
teapot. 

“At any rate, I’ll never go there again!” said 
Alice, as she picked her way through the wood. 
“It’s the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in 
all my life!” 

Just as she said this, she noticed that one 
of the trees had a door leading right into it. 
“That’s very curious!” she thought. “But every- 
thing’s curious to-day. I think I may as well 
go in at once.” And in she went. 

Once more she found herself in the long 
hall, and close to the little glass table. “Now, 
I’ll manage better this time,” she said to her- 
self, and began by taking the little golden key, 
and unlocking the door that led into the garden. 
Then she set to work nibbling at the mushroom 
(she had kept a piece of it in her pocket) till 

[136] 


A MAD TEA-PARTY 


she was about a foot high: then she walked 
down the little passage: and then — she found 
herself at last in the beautiful garden, among 
the bright flower-beds and the cool fountains. 


[ 137 ] 



THE QUEEN’S 
CROQUET-GROUND 






CHAPTER VIII 

THE QUEEN’S CROQUET-GROUND 

A LARGE rose-tree stood near the en- 
trance of the garden: the roses grow- 
ing on it were white, but there were 
three gardeners at it, busily painting them red. 
Alice thought this a very curious thing, and 
she went nearer to watch them, and just as she 
came up to them she heard one of them say, 
“Look out now. Five ! Don’t go splashing paint 
over me like that!” 

“I couldn’t help it,” said Five, in a sulky 
tone; “Seven jogged my elbow.” 

On which Seven looked up and said, “That’s 
right, Five! Always lay the blame on others!” 

" You’d better not talk!” said Five. “I heard 
the Queen say only yesterday you deserved to 
be beheaded!” 

[i4i] 


ALICE S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“What for?” said the one who had spoken 
first. 

“That’s none of your business, Two!” said 
Seven. 

“Yes, it is his business!” said Five, “and I’ll 
tell him — it was for bringing the cook tulip- 
roots instead of onions.” 

Seven flung down his brush, and had just 
begun, “Well, of all the unjust things — — ” 
when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she 
stood watching them, and he checked himself 
suddenly : the others looked round also and all of 
them bowed low. 

“Would you tell me, please,” said Alice, a 
little timidly, “why you are painting those 
roses?” 

Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at 
Two. Two began, in a low voice, “Why, the 
fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have 
been a red rose-tree, and we put a white one 
in by mistake, and if the Queen was to find it 
out, we should all have our heads cut off, you 
know. So you see, Miss, we’re doing our 

best, afore she comes, to ” At this moment 

[142] 



Seven flung down his brush, and had [ 143 ] 
just begun, “Well, of all the unjust 


9) 


things 








THE QUEEN’S CROQUET-GROUND 

Five, who had been anxiously looking across 
the garden, called out “The Queen! The 
Queen!” and the three gardeners instantly 
threw themselves flat upon their faces. There 
was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice 
looked round, eager to see the Queen. 

First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these 
were all shaped like the three gardeners, ob- 
long and flat, with their hands and feet at the 
corners : next the ten courtiers ; these were orna- 
mented all over with diamonds, and walked 
two and two, as the soldiers did. After these 
came the royal children; there were ten of 
them, and the little dears came jumping merrily 
along hand in hand, in couples: they were all 
ornamented with hearts. Next came the guests, 
mostly Kings and Queens, and among them 
Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it was talk- 
ing in a hurried nervous manner, smiling at 
everything that was said, and went by without 
noticing her. Then followed the Knave of 
Hearts, carrying the King’s crown on a crim- 
son velvet cushion; and, last of all this grand 

[ 145 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN 
OF HEARTS. 

Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought 
not to lie down on her face like the three 
gardeners, but she could not remember ever 
having heard of such a rule at processions; 
“and besides, what would be the use of a pro- 
cession,” she thought, “if people had all to lie 
down on their faces, so that they couldn’t see 
it?” So she stood where she was, and waited. 

When the procession came opposite to Alice, 
they all stopped and looked at her, and the 
Queen said severely, “Who is this?” She said 
it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed 
and smiled in reply. 

“Idiot!” said the Queen, tossing her head 
impatiently; and, turning to Alice, she went 
on, “What’s your name, child?” 

“My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,” 
said Alice very politely; but she added to her- 
self, “Why, they’re only a pack of cards, after 
all. I needn’t be afraid of them.” 

“And who are these?” said the Queen, point- 
ing to the three gardeners who were lying 
[146] 



“Off with her head l” 








THE QUEEN’S CROQUET-GROUND 

round the rose-tree; for, you see, as they were 
lying on their faces, and the pattern on their 
backs was the same as the rest of the pack, she 
could not tell whether they were gardeners, or 
soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her own 
children. 

“How should I know?” said Alice, surprised 
at her own courage. “It’s no business of mine.” 

The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, 
after glaring at her for a moment like a wild 
beast, began screaming, “Off with her head! 
Off—” 

“Nonsense!” said Alice, very loudly and 
decidedly, and the Queen was silent. 

The King laid his hand upon her arm, and 
timidly said, “Consider, my dear: she is only 
a child!” 

The Queen turned angrily away from him, 
and said to the Knave, “Turn them over!” 

The Knave did so, very carefully, with one 
foot. 

“Get up!” said the Queen, in a shrill, loud 
voice, and the three gardeners instantly jumped 

[ 149 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 
up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen, 
the royal children, and everybody else. 

“Leave off that 1” screamed the Queen. “You 
make me giddy.” And then, turning to the 
rose-tree, she went on, “What have you been 
doing here?” 

“May it please your Majesty,” said Two, in a 
very humble tone, going down on one knee as 
he spoke, “we were trying ” 

“I see 1” said the Queen, who had meanwhile 
been examining the roses. “Off with their 
heads 1” and the procession moved on, three of 
the soldiers remaining behind to execute the 
unfortunate gardeners, who ran to Alice for 
protection. 

“You shan’t be beheaded 1” said Alice, and 
she put them into a large flower-pot that stood 
near. The three soldiers wandered about for a 
minute or two, looking for them, and then 
quietly marched off after the others. 

“Are their heads off?” shouted the Queen. 

“Their heads are gone, if it please your 
Majesty!” the soldiers shouted in reply. 

[150] 


THE QUEEN’S CROQUET-GROUND 

“That’s right!” shouted the Queen. “Can 
you play croquet?” 

The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, 
as the question was evidently meant for her. 

“Yes!” shouted Alice. 

“Come on, then!” roared the Queen, and 
Alice joined the procession, wondering very 
much what would happen next. 

“It’s — it’s a very fine day!” said a timid voice 
at her side. She was walking by the White 
Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her 
face. 

“Very,” said Alice : — “where’s the Duchess?” 

“Hush! Hush!” said the Rabbit in a low, 
hurried tone. He looked anxiously over his 
shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself 
upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and 
whispered, “She’s under sentence of execution.” 

“What for?” said Alice. 

“Did you say ‘What a pity!’?” the Rabbit 
asked. 

“No, I didn’t,” said Alice; “I don’t think 
it’s at all a pity. I said ‘What for?’ ” 

“She boxed the Queen’s ears- 


’ the Rab- 
[I5i] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

bit began. Alice gave a little stream of laugh- 
ter. “Oh, hush!” the Rabbit whispered in a 
frightened tone. “The Queen will hear you! 
You see, she came rather late, and the Queen 
said ” 

“Get to your places!” shouted the Queen in 
a voice of thunder, and people began running 
about in all directions, tumbling up against 
each other; however, they got settled down in 
a minute or two, and the game began. 

Alice thought she had never seen such a 
curious croquet-ground in her life: it was all 
ridges and furrows; the croquet-balls were live 
hedgehogs, and the mallets live flamingoes, and 
the soldiers had to double themselves up and 
stand on their hands and feet to make the 
arches. 

The chief difficulty Alice found at first was 
in managing her flamingo: she succeeded in 
getting its body tucked away, comfortably 
enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging 
down, but generally, just as she had got its 
neck nicely straightened out, and was going 
to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it 

[152] 


THE QUEEN’S CROQUET-GROUND 

would twist itself round and look up into her 
face, with such a puzzled expression that she 
could not help bursting out laughing: and 
when she had got its head down, and was go- 
ing to begin again, it was very provoking to 
find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself, and 
was in the act of crawling away: besides all 
this, there was generally a ridge or a furrow 
in the way wherever she wanted to send the 
hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers 
were always getting up and walking off to other 
parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the 
conclusion that it was a very difficult game 
indeed. 

The players all played at once without wait- 
ing for turns, quarrelling all the while, and 
fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short 
time the Queen was in a furious passion, and 
went stamping about, and shouting “Off with 
his head!” or “Off with her head!” about once 
in a minute. 

Alice began to feel Very uneasy; to be sure, 
she had not as yet had any dispute with the 
Queen, but she knew that it might happen any 

[ 153 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

minute, “and then,” thought she, “what would 
become of me? They’re dreadfully fond of 
beheading people here : the great wonder is that 
there’s any one left alive!” 

She was looking about for some way of 
escape, and wondering whether she could get 
away without being seen, when she noticed a 
curious appearance in the air: it puzzled her 
very much at first, but, after watching it a min- 
ute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and 
she said to herself, “It’s the Cheshire Cat: now 
I shall have somebody to talk to.” 

“How are you getting on?” said the Cat, as 
soon as there was mouth enough for it to speak 
with. 

Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and 
then nodded. “It’s no use speaking to it,” she 
thought, “till its ears have come, or at least 
one of them.” In another minute the whole 
head appeared, and then Alice put down her 
flamingo, and began an account of the game, 
feeling very glad she had some one to listen 
to her. The Cat seemed to think that there 
[ 154 ] 


THE QUEEN’S CROQUET-GROUND 

was enough of it now in sight, and no more 
of it appeared. 

“I don’t think they play at all fairly,” Alice 
began, in rather a complaining tone, “and they 
all quarrel so dreadfully one can’t hear one’s- 
self speak — and they don’t seem to have any 
rules in particular; at least, it there are, nobody 
attends to them — and you’ve no idea how con- 
fusing it is all the things being alive; for in- 
stance, there’s the arch I’ve got to go through 
next walking about at the other end of the 
ground — and I should have croqueted the 
Queen’s hedgehog just now, only it ran away 
when it saw mine coming!” 

“How do you like the Queen?” said the Cat, 
in a low voice. 

“Not at all,” said Alice; “she’s so ex- 
tremely ” Just then she noticed that the 

Queen was close behind her, listening: so she 
went on “likely to win, that it’s hardly worth 
while finishing the game.” 

The Queen smiled and passed on. 

“Who are you talking to?” said the King, 

[ 155 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

coming up to Alice, and looking at the Cat’s 
head with great curiosity. 

“It’s a friend of mine — a Cheshire Cat,” said 
Alice; “allow me to introduce it.” 

“I don’t like the look of it at all,” said the 
King; “however, it may kiss my hand if it 
likes.” 

“I’d rather not,” the Cat remarked. 

“Don’t be impertinent,” said the King, “and 
don’t look at me like that!” He got behind 
Alice as he spoke. 

“A cat may look at a King,” said Alice. 
“I’ve read that in some book, but I don’t 
remember where.” 

“Well, it must be removed,” said the King 
very decidedly, and he called to the Queen, 
who was passing at the moment, “My dear! 
I wish you would have this cat removed!” 

The Queen had only one way of settling all 
difficulties, great or small. “Off with his head !” 
she said, without even looking round. 

“I’ll fetch the executioner myself,” said the 
King eagerly, and he hurried off. 

Alice thought she might as well go back and 

[156] 


THE QUEEN’S CROQUET-GROUND 

see how the game was going on, as she heard 
the Queen’s voice in the distance, screaming 
with passion. She had already heard her 
sentence three of the players to be executed 
for having missed their turns, and she did not 
like the look of things at all, as the game was 
in such confusion that she never knew whether 
it was her turn or not. So she went off in search 
of her hedgehog. 

The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with 
another hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an 
excellent opportunity for croqueting one of 
them with the other: the only difficulty was that 
her flamingo was gone across to the other side 
of the garden, where Alice could see it trying 
in a helpless sort of way to fly up into a 
tree. 

By the time she had caught the flamingo and 
brought it back, the fight was over, and both 
the hedgehogs were out of sight: “but it doesn’t 
matter much,” thought Alice, “as all the arches 
are gone from this side of the ground.” So 
she tucked it away under her arm, that it might 

[ 157 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

not escape again, and went back to have a lit- 
tle more conversation with her friend. 

When she got back to the Cheshire Cat she 
was surprised to find quite a large crowd col- 
lected around it: there was a dispute going on 
between the executioner, the King, and the 
Queen, who were all talking at once, while all 
the rest were quite silent, and looked very 
uncomfortable. 

The moment Alice appeared, she was ap- 
pealed to by all three to settle the question, and 
they repeated their arguments to her, though, 
as they all spoke at once, she found it very 
hard to make out exactly what they said. 

The executioner’s argument was, that you 
couldn’t cut off a head unless there was a body 
to cut it off from: that he had never had to do 
such a thing before, and he wasn’t going to 
begin at his time of life. 

The King’s argument was, that anything 
that had a head could be beheaded, and that 
you weren’t to talk nonsense. 

The Queen’s argument was, that if something 
wasn’t done about it in less than no time, she’d 
[ 158 ] 


THE QUEEN’S CROQUET-GROUND 

have everybody executed, all round. (It was 
this last remark that had made the whole party 
look so grave and anxious.) 

Alice could think of nothing else to say but 
“It belongs to the Duchess: you’d better ask 
her about it.” 

“She’s in prison,” the Queen said to the exe- 
cutioner : “fetch her here.” And the executioner 
went off like an arrow. 

The Cat’s head began fading away the mo- 
ment he was gone, and, by the time he had 
come back with the Duchess, it had entirely 
disappeared; so the King and the executioner 
ran wildly up and down looking for it, while 
the rest of the party went back to the game. 





THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY 








CHAPTER IX 

THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY 

Y OU can’t think how glad I am to see 
you again, you dear old thing!” said 
the Duchess, as she tucked her arm af- 
fectionately into Alice’s, and they walked off 
together. 

Alice was very glad to find her in such a 
pleasant temper, and thought to herself that 
perhaps it was only the pepper that had made 
her so savage when they met in the kitchen. 

“When I’m a Duchess,” she said to herself 
(not in a very hopeful tone though), “I won’t 
have any pepper in my kitchen at all. Soup 
does very well without — maybe it’s always pep- 
per that makes people hot-tempered,” she went 
on, very much pleased at having found out a 
new kind of rule, “and vinegar that makes them 
sour — and camomile that makes them bitter — 

[163] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

and — and barley-sugar and such things that 
make children sweet-tempered. I only wish 
people knew that: then they wouldn’t be so 
stingy about it, you know ” 

She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this 
time, and was a little startled when she heard 
her voice close to her ear. “You’re thinking 
about something, my dear, and that makes you 
forget to talk. I can’t tell you just now what 
the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in 
a bit.” 

“Perhaps it hasn’t one,” Alice ventured to 
remark. 

“Tut, tut, child!” said the Duchess. “Every- 
thing’s got a moral, if only you can find it.” 
And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice’s 
side as she spoke. 

Alice did not much like her keeping so close 
to her: first, because the Duchess was very 
ugly, and secondly, because she was exactly 
the right height to rest her chin on Alice’s 
shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably sharp 
chin. However, she did not like to be rude, 
so she bore it as well as she could. 

[164] 



She was exactly the right height to rest [165] 
her chin on Alice's shoulder. 




THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY 

“The game’s going on rather better now,” 
she said, by way of keeping up the conversa- 
tion a little. 

“ ’Tis so,” said the Duchess: “and the moral 
of that is — ‘Oh, ’tis love, ’tis love, that makes 
the world go round!”’ 

“Somebody said,” Alice whispered, “that it’s 
done by everybody minding their own busi- 
ness!” 

“Ah, well ! It means much the same thing,” 
said the Duchess, digging her sharp little chin 
into Alice’s shoulder as she added, “And the 
moral of that is — ‘Take care of the sense, and 
the sounds will take care of themselves.’ ” 

“How fond she is of finding morals in 
things,” Alice thought to herself. 

“I dare say you’re wondering why I don’t put 
my arm round your waist,” said the Duchess 
after a pause; “the reason is, that I’m doubtful 
about .the temper of your flamingo. Shall I 
try the experiment?” 

“He might bite,” Alice cautiously replied, 
not feeling at all anxious to have the experiment 
tried. 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“Very true,” said the Duchess; “flamingoes 
and mustard both bite. And the moral of that 
is — ‘Birds of a feather flock together.’ ” 

“Only mustard isn’t a bird,’’ Alice remarked. 
“Right, as usual,” said the Duchess: “what 
a clear way you have of putting things 1” 

“It’s a mineral, I think ” said Alice. 

“Of course it is,” said the Duchess, who 
seemed ready to agree to everything that Alice 
said; “there’s a large mustard-mine near here. 
And the moral of that is — ‘The more there is 
of mine, the less there is of yours.’ ” 

“Oh, I know !” exclaimed Alice, who had not 
attended to this last remark, “it’s a vegetable. 
It doesn’t look like one, but it is.” 

“I quite agree with you,” said the Duchess; 
“and the moral of that is — ‘Be what you would 
seem to be’ — or if you’d like it put more simply 
— ‘Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise 
than what it might appear to others that what 
you were or might have been was not otherwise 
than what you had been would have appeared 
to them to be otherwise.’ ” 

“I think I should understand that better,” 

[168] 


THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY 

Alice said, very politely, “if I had it written 
down : but I can’t quite follow it as you say it.” 

“That’s nothing to what I could say if I 
chose,” the Duchess replied, in a pleased tone. 

“Pray don’t trouble yourself to say it any 
longer than that,” said Alice. 

“Oh, don’t talk about trouble!” said the 
Duchess. “I make you a present of everything 
I’ve said as yet.” 

“A cheap sort of present!” thought Alice. 
“I’m glad they don’t give birthday presents 
like that!” But she did not venture to say it 
out loud. 

“Thinking again?” the Duchess asked, with 
another dig of her sharp little chin. 

“I’ve a right to think,” said Alice, sharply, 
for she was beginning to feel a little worried. 

“Just about as much right,” said the Duchess, 
“as pigs have to fly ; and the m ” 

But here, to Alice’s great surprise, the 
Duchess’s voice died away, even in the middle 
of her favourite word “moral,” and the arm 
that was linked into hers began to tremble. 
Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in 

[169] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

front of them, with her arms folded, frowning 
like a thunder-storm. 

“A fine day, your Majesty!” the Duchess 
began, in a low, weak voice. 

“Now, I give you fair warning,” shouted the 
Queen, stamping on the ground as she spoke; 
“either you or your head must be off, and that 
in about half no time! Take your choice!” 

The Duchess took her choice, and was gone 
in a moment. 

“Let’s go on with the game,” the Queen said 
to Alice, and Alice was too much frightened 
to say a word, but slowly followed her back to 
the croquet-ground. 

The other guests had taken advantage of the 
Queen’s absence, and were resting in the shade : 
however, the moment they saw her, they hur- 
ried back to the game, the Queen merely re- 
marking that a moment’s delay would cost them 
their lives. 

All the time they were playing the Queen 
never left off quarrelling with the other players, 
and shouting “Off with his head!” or “Off with 
her head!” Those whom she sentenced were 
[170] 


THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY 

taken into custody by the soldiers, who, of 
course, had to leave off being arches to do this, 
so that by the end of half an hour or so there 
were no arches left, and all the players, except 
the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in cus- 
tody and under sentence of execution. 

Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, 
and said to Alice, “Have you seen the Mock 
Turtle yet?” 

“No,” said Alice. “I don’t even know what 
a Mock Turtle is.” 

“It’s the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made 
from,” said the Queen. 

“I never saw one, or heard of one,” said 
Alice. 

“Come on, then,” said the Queen, “and he 
shall tell you his history.” 

As they walked off together, Alice heard the 
King say in a low voice, to the company gen- 
erally, “You are all pardoned.” “Come, that’s 
a good thing!” she said to herself, for she had 
felt quite unhappy at the number of executions 
the Queen had ordered. 

They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying 

[171] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

fast asleep in the sun. “Up, lazy thing!” said 
the Queen, “and take this young lady to see 
the Mock Turtle, and to hear his history. I 
must go back and see after some executions I 
have ordered;” and she walked off, leaving 
Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice did not 
quite like the look of the creature, but, on the 
whole, she thought it would be quite as safe to 
stay with it as to go after that savage Queen: 
so she waited. 

The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: 
then it watched the Queen till she was out of 
sight: then it chuckled. “What fun!” said the 
Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice. 

“What is the fun?” said Alice. 

“Why, she,” said the Gryphon. “It’s all her 
fancy, that: they never executes nobody, you 
know. Come on!” 

“Everybody says ‘Come on!’ here,” thought 
Alice, as she went slowly after it: “I never 
was so ordered about before in all my life, 
never !” 

They had not gone far before they saw the 
Mock Turtle in the distance, sitting sad and 
[ 172 ] 


THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY 

lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they 
came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as 
if his heart would break. She pitied him deeply. 
“What is his sorrow?” she asked the Gryphon, 
and the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the 
same words as before, “It’s all his fancy, that: 
he hasn’t got no sorrow, you know. Come 
on!” 

So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who 
looked at them with large eyes full of tears but 
said nothing. 

“This here young lady,” said the Gryphon, 
“she wants for to know your history, she do.” 

“I’ll tell it her,” said the Mock Turtle, in 
a deep, hollow tone: “sit down, both of you, 
and don’t speak a word till I’ve finished.” 

So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some 
minutes. Alice thought to herself, “I don’t see 
how he can ever finish, if he doesn’t begin.” 
But she waited patiently. 

“Once,” said the Mock Turtle at last, with a 
deep sigh, “I was a real Turtle.” 

These words were followed by a very long 
silence, broken only by an occasional exclama- 

[ 173 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

tion of “Hjchrrh!” from the Gryphon, and the 
constant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. 
Alice was very nearly getting up and saying: 

“Thank you, sir, for your interesting story,” 
but she could not help thinking there must be 
more to come, so she sat still and said nothing. 

“When we were little,” the Mock Turtle 
went on at last, more calmly, though still 
sobbing a little now and then, “we went to 
school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle 
— we used to call him Tortoise ” 

“Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn’t 
one?” Alice asked. 

“We called him Tortoise because he taught 
us,” said the Mock Turtle angrily; “really you 
are very dull!” 

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself for 
asking such a simple question,” added the 
Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and 
looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink 
into the earth. At last the Gryphon said to 
the Mock Turtle, “Drive on, old fellow ! Don’t 
be all day about it!” and he went on in these 
words : 

[ 174 ] 


THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY 

“Yes, we went to school in the sea, though 
you mayn’t believe it ” 

“I never said I didn’t!” interrupted Alice. 

“You did,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“Hold your tongue!” added the Gryphon, 
before Alice could speak again. The Mock 
Turtle went on: 

“We had the best of educations — in fact, we 
went to school every day ” 

“I’ve been to a day-school, too,” said Alice; 
“you needn’t be so proud as all that.” 

“With extras?” asked the Mock Turtle a lit- 
tle anxiously. 

“Yes,” said Alice, “we learned French and 
music.” 

“And washing?” said the Mock Turtle. 

“Certainly not!” said Alice, indignantly. 

“Ah! then yours wasn’t a really good 
school,” said the Mock Turtle in a tone of great 
relief. “Now at ours they had at the end of 
the bill, ‘French, music, and washing — extra.’ ” 

“You couldn’t have wanted it much,” said 
Alice, “living at the bottom of the sea.” 

“I couldn’t afford to learn it,” said the Mock 

[ 175 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

Turtle, with a sigh. “I only took the regular 
course.” 

“What was that?” enquired Alice. 

“Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin 
with,” the Mock Turtle replied: “and then the 
different branches of arithmetic — Ambition, 
Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.” 

“I never heard of ‘Uglification,’ ” Alice ven- 
tured to say. “What is it?” 

The Gryphon lifted up its paws in surprise. 
“Never heard of uglifying!” it exclaimed. 
“You know what to beautify is, I suppose?” 

“Yes,” said Alice, doubtfully : “It means — to 
— make — anything — prettier.” 

“Well, then,” the Gryphon went on, “if you 
don’t know what to uglify is, you are a sim- 
pleton.” 

Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any 
more questions about it, so she turned to the 
Mock Turtle, and said, “What else had you to 
learn?” 

“Well, there was Mystery,” the Mock Turtle 
replied, counting off the subjects on his flap- 
pers, “ — Mystery, ancient and modern, with 
[i?6] 


THE MOCK TURTLE’S STORY 

Seaography : then drawling — the Drawling- 
master was an old conger-eel, that used to come 
once a week: he taught us Drawling, Stretch- 
ing, and Fainting in Coils.” 

“What was that like?” said Alice. 

“Well, I can’t show it you myself,” the Mock 
Turtle said: “I’m too stiff. And the Gryphon 
never learnt it.” 

“Hadn’t time,” said the Gryphon: “I went 
to the Classical-master, though. He was an old 
crab, he was.” 

“I never went to him,” the Mock Turtle said 
with a sigh: “he taught Laughing and Grief, 
they used to say.” 

“So he did, so he did,” said the Gryphon, 
sighing in his turn, and both creatures hid their 
faces in their paws. 

“And how many hours a day did you do 
lessons?” said Alice, in a hurry to change the 
subject. 

“Ten hours the first day,” said the Mock 
Turtle: “nine hours the next, and so on.” 

“What a curious plan !” exclaimed Alice. 

“That’s the reason they’re called lessons,” the 

[ 177 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 


Gryphon remarked: “because they lessen from 
day to day.” 

This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she 
thought it over a little before she made her next 
remark. “Then the eleventh day must have 
been a holiday.” 

“Of course it was,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“And how did you manage on the twelfth?” 
Alice went on eagerly. 

“That’s enough about lessons,” the Gryphon 
interrupted, in a very decided tone: “tell her 
something about the games now.” 



[ 178 ] 


THE LOBSTER-QUADRILLE 













t 










t 


4 



I 



























CHAPTER X 

THE LOBSTER-QUADRILLE 

T HE Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and 
drew the back of one flapper across 
his eyes. He looked at Alice and tried 
to speak, but for a minute or two sobs choked 
his voice. “Same as if he had a bone in his 
throat,” said the Gryphon; and it set to work 
shaking him and punching him in the back. At 
last the Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, 
with tears running down his cheeks, he went on 
again : 

“You may not have lived much under the 
sea — ” (“I haven’t,” said Alice) — “and per- 
haps you were never even introduced to a lob- 
ster — ” (Alice began to say, “I once tasted 

” but checked herself hastily, and said 

“No, never”) — “so you can have no idea what 
a delightful thing a Lobster-Quadrille is!” 

[181] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“No, indeed,” said Alice. “What sort of a 
dance is it?” 

“Why,” said the Gryphon, “you first form 

into a line along the sea-shore ” 

“Two lines!” cried the Mock Turtle. “Seals, 
turtles, salmon, and so on: then, when you’ve 

cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way ” 

“That generally takes some time,” interrupted 
the Gryphon. 

“ — you advance twice ” 

“Each with a lobster as a partner!” cried the 
Gryphon. 

“Of course,” the Mock Turtle said: “advance 

twice, set to partners ” 

“ — change lobsters, and retire in same 
order,” continued the Gryphon. 

“Then, you know,” the Mock Turtle went 

on, “you throw the ” 

“The lobster!” shouted the Gryphon, with a 
bound into the air. 

“ — as far out to sea as you can ” 

“Swim after them!” screamed the Gryphon. 
“Turn a somersault in the sea!” cried the 
Mock Turtle, capering wildly about. 

[182] 


They began solemnly dancing round and [183] 
round Alice . 
































































































































































































































































/ 










































. 





























































































































































































































THE LOBSTER-QUADRILLE 

“Change lobsters again!” yelled the Gryphon, 
at the top of his voice. 

“Back to land again, and — that’s all the first 
figure,” said the Mock Turtle, suddenly drop- 
ping his voice, and the two creatures, who had 
been jumping about like mad things all this 
time, sat down again very sadly and quietly, 
and looked at Alice. 

“It must be a very pretty dance,” said Alice, 
timidly. 

“Would you like to see a little of it?” said the 
Mock Turtle. 

“Very much indeed,” said Alice. 

“Come, let’s try the first figure!” said the 
Mock Turtle to the Gryphon. “We can do 
without lobsters, you know. Which shall 
sing?” 

“Oh, you sing,” said the Gryphon. “I’ve 
forgotten the words.” 

So they began solemnly dancing round and 
round Alice, every now and then treading on 
her toes when they passed too close, and wav- 
ing their fore-paws to mark the time, while 

[185] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 


the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly and 
sadly : 

“Will you walk a little faster?” said a whiting to a snail, 
“There s a porpoise close behind us, and he’s treading on 
my tail. 

See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance! 

They are waiting on the shingle — will you come and 
join the dance? 

Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join 
the dance? 

Will you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join 
the dance? 

“You can really have no notion how delightful it will be 

When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, 
out to sea!” 

But the snail replied “Too far, too far!” and gave a 
look askance — 

Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not 
join the dance. 

Would not, could not, would not , could not, would not 
join the dance. 

Would not, could not f would not, could not, could not 
join the dance. 

“What matters it how far we go?” his scaly friend re- 
plied, 

“There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. 

The further off from England the nearer is to France — 


THE LOBSTER-QUADRILLE 

Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join 
the dance. 

W ill you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, will you join 
the dance? 

W ill you, won’t you, will you, won’t you, won’t you join 
the dance?” 

“Thank you, it’s a very interesting dance 
to watch,” said Alice, feeling very glad that 
it was over at last; “and I do so like that curious 
song about the whiting!” 

“Oh, as to the whiting!” said the Mock 
Turtle, “they — you’ve seen them, of course?” 

“Yes,” said Alice, “I’ve often seen them at 
dinn ” she checked herself hastily. 

“I don’t know where Dinn may be,” said the 
Mock Turtle, “but if you’ve seen them so often, 
of course you know what they’re like.” 

“I believe so,” Alice replied thoughtfully. 
“They have their tails in their mouths; and 
they’re all over crumbs.” 

“You’re wrong about the crumbs,” said the 
Mock Turtle: “crumbs would all wash off in 
the sea. But they have their tails in their 
mouths ; and the reason is ” here the Mock 

[187] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

Turtle yawned and shut his eyes. “Tell her 
about the reason, and all that,” he said to the 
Gryphon. 

“The reason is,” said the Gryphon, “that 
they would go with the lobsters to the dance. 
So they got thrown out to sea. So they had to 
fall a long way. So they got their tails fast 
in their mouths. So they couldn’t get them out 
again. That’s all.” 

“Thank you,” said Alice, “it’s very interest- 
ing. I never knew so much about a whiting 
before.” 

“I can tell you more than that, if you like,” 
said the Gryphon. “Do you know why it’s 
called a whiting?” 

“I never thought about it,” said Alice. 
“Why?” 

“It does the boots and shoes,” the Gryphon 
replied very solemnly. 

Alice was thoroughly puzzled. “Does the 
boots and shoes 1” she repeated in a wondering 
tone. 

“Why, what are your shoes done with?” said 

[188] 


THE LOBSTER-QUADRILLE 

the Gryphon. “I mean, what makes them so 
shiny?” 

Alice looked down at them, and considered 
a little before she gave her answer. “They’re 
done with blacking, I believe.” 

“Boots and shoes under the sea,” the Gryphon 
went on in a deep voice, “are done with whit- 
ing. Now you know.” 

“And what are they made of?” Alice asked 
in a tone of great curiosity. 

“Soles and eels, of course,” the Gryphon re- 
plied rather impatiently: “any shrimp could 
have told you that.” 

“If I’d been the whiting,” said Alice, whose 
thoughts were still running on the song, “I’d 
have said to the porpoise, ‘Keep back, please: 
we don’t want you with us !’ ” 

“They were obliged to have him with them,” 
the Mock Turtle said: “no wise fish would go 
anywhere without a porpoise.” 

“Wouldn’t it really?” said Alice in a tone of 
great surprise. 

“Of course not,” said the Mock Turtle : “why, 

[189] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

if a fish came to me, and told me he was going 
a journey, I should say, ‘With what porpoise?’ ” 

“Don’t you mean ‘purpose’?” said Alice. 

“I mean what I say,” the Mock Turtle replied 
in an offended tone. And the Gryphon added, 
“Come, let’s hear some of your adventures.” 

“I could tell you my adventures — beginning 
from this morning,” said Alice a little timidly: 
“but it’s no use going back to yesterday, be- 
cause I was a different person then.” 

“Explain all that,” said the Mock Turtle. 

“No, no! the adventures first,” said the 
Gryphon in an impatient tone: “explanations 
take such a dreadful time.” 

So Alice began telling 'them her adventures 
from the time when she first saw the White 
Rabbit: she was a little nervous about it just 
at first, the two creatures got so close to her, 
one on each side, and opened their eyes and 
mouths so very wide, but she gained courage 
as she went on. Her listeners were perfectly 
quiet till she got to the part about her repeat- 
ing “You are old, Father William,” to the 
Caterpillar, and the words all coming different, 
[ 190 ] 


THE LOBSTER-QUADRILLE 

and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath, 
and said “That’s very curious.” 

“It’s all about as curious as it can be,” said 
the Gryphon. 

“It all came different!” the Mock Turtle 
repeated thoughtfully. “I should like to 
hear her try and repeat something now. Tell 
her to begin.” He looked at the Gryphon 
as if he thought it had some kind of authority 
over Alice. 

“Stand up and repeat ‘ ’Tis the voice of the 
sluggard ,’ ” said the Gryphon. 

“How the creatures order one about, and 
make one repeat lessons!” thought Alice, “I 
might just as well be at school at once.” How- 
ever, she got up, and began to repeat it, but 
her head was so full of the Lobster-Quadrille, 
that she hardly knew what she was saying, and 
the words came very queer indeed: 

“ ’Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare, 
‘You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair.’ 
As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose 
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.” 


ALICE S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“That’s different from what I used to say when 
I was a child,” said the Gryphon. 

“Well, I never heard it before,” said the 
Mock Turtle; “but it sounds uncommon non- 
sense.” 

Alice said nothing: she had sat down again 
with her face in her hands, wondering if any- 
thing would ever happen in a natural way 
again. 

“I should like to have it explained,” said 
the Mock Turtle. 

“She can’t explain it,” said the Gryphon 
hastily. “Go on with the next verse.” 

“But about his toes?” the Mock Turtle per- 
sisted. “How could he turn them out with his 
nose, you know?” 

“It’s the first position in dancing,” Alice 
said; but she was dreadfully puzzled by the 
whole thing, and longed to change the subject. 

“Go on with the next verse,” the Gryphon 
repeated impatiently: “it begins ‘ I passed by 
his garden.’ ” 

Alice did not dare to disobey, though she 
[192] 


THE LOBSTER-QUADRILLE 

felt sure it would all come wrong, and she 
went on in a trembling voice: 

“I passed by his garden, and marked with one eye, 
How the owl and the oyster were sharing a pie ” 

“What is the use of repeating all that 
stuff,” the Mock Turtle interrupted, “if you 
don’t explain it as you go on? It’s by far the 
most confusing thing I ever heard!” 

“Yes, I think you’d better leave off,” said the 
Gryphon, and Alice was only too glad to do so. 

“Shall we try another figure of the Lobster- 
Quadrille?” the Gryphon went on. “Or would 
you like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?” 

“Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle 
would be so kind,” Alice replied, so eagerly 
that the Gryphon said, in a rather offended 
tone, “H’m! No accounting for tastes! Sing 
her ‘Turtle Soup will you, old fellow?” 

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, 
in a voice sometimes choked with sobs, to sing 
this: 


“Beautiful Soup, so rick and green, 
Waiting in a hot tureen! 


[193] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

Who for such dainties would not stoop? 

Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! 

Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup! 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop! 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop! 

Soo — oop of the e — e — evening, 

Beautiful, beautiful Soup . 

“Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish, 

Game, or any other dish? 

Who would not give all else for two p 
ennyworth only of beautiful Soup? 

Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup? 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop! 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop! 

So o-o op of the e — e — evening, 

Beautiful, beauti — FUL SOUP!” 

“Chorus again !” cried the Gryphon, and the 
Mock Turtle had just begun to repeat it, when 
a cry of “The trial’s beginning!” was heard in 
the distance. 

“Come on!” cried the Gryphon, and, taking 
Alice by the hand, it hurried off, without 
waiting for the end of the song. 

“What trial is it?” Alice panted as she ran, 

[194] 


THE LOBSTER-QUADRILLE 

but the Gryphon only answered “Come on!” 
and ran the faster, while more and more faintly 
came, carried on the breeze that followed them, 
the melancholy words : 

"a Soo — oop of the e — e — evening, 

Beautiful, beautiful Soup!” 



WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 



















.. * - * 













CHAPTER XI 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 

T HE King and Queen of Hearts were 
seated on their throne when they ar- 
rived, with a great crowd assembled 
about them — all sorts of little birds and beasts, 
as well as the whole pack of cards; the Knave 
was standing before them, in chains, with a sol- 
dier on each side to guard him; and near the 
King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in 
one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the 
other. In the very middle of the court was a 
table, with a large dish of tarts upon it; they 
looked so good that it made Alice quite hungry 
to look at them — “I wish they’d get the trial 
done,” she thought, “and hand round the re- 
freshments !” But there seemed to be no chance 
of this, so she began looking at everything 
about her to pass away the time. 

Alice had never been in a court of justice 

[ 199 ] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

before, but she had read about them in books, 
and she was quite pleased to find that she knew 
the name of nearly everything there. “That’s 
the judge,” she said to herself, “because of his 
great wig.” 

The judge, by the way, was the King, and 
as he wore his crown over the wig, he did not 
look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not 
becoming. 

“And that’s the jury-box,” thought Alice, 
“and those twelve creatures” (she was obliged 
to say “creatures,” you see, because some of 
them were animals and some were birds), “I 
suppose they are the jurors.” She said this 
last word two or three times over to herself, 
being rather proud of it: for she thought, and 
rightly too, that very few little girls of her age 
knew the meaning of it at all. However, 
“jurymen” would have done just as well. 

The twelve jurors were all writing very 
busily on slates. “What are they doing?” 
Alice whispered to' the Gryphon. “They can’t 
have anything to put down yet, before the 
trial’s begun.” 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 

“They’re putting down their names,” the 
Gryphon whispered in reply, “for fear they 
should forget them before the end of the trial.” 

“Stupid things!” Alice began, in a loud, 
indignant voice, but she stopped herself hastily, 
for the White Rabbit cried out “Silence in the 
court !” and the King put on his spectacles and 
looked anxiously round, to make out who was 
talking. 

Alice could see, as well as if she were look- 
ing over their shoulders, that all the jurors were 
writing down “stupid things!” on their slates, 
and she could even make out that one of them 
didn’t know how to spell “stupid,” and that 
he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. “A 
nice muddle their slates’ll be in before the trial’s 
over!” thought Alice. 

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. 
This, of course, Alice could not stand, and she 
went round the court and got behind him, and. 
very soon found an opportunity of taking it 
away. She did it so quickly that the poor little 
juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make 
out at all what had become of it; so, after 

[201] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

hunting all about for it, he was obliged to 
write with one finger for the rest of the day; 
and this was of very little use, as it left no mark 
on the slate. 

“Herald, read the accusation!” said the King. 

On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts 

on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parch- 
ment scroll, and read as follows: — 

“The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, 

All on a summer's day: 

The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, 

And took them quite away!" 

“Consider your verdict,” the King said to 
the jury. 

“Not yet, not yet!” the Rabbit hastily inter- 
rupted. “There’s a great deal to come before 
that!” 

“Call the first witness,” said the King; and 
the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the 
trumpet, and called out, “First witness!” 

The first witness was the Hatter. He came 
in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of 
bread-and-butter in the other. “I beg par- 
[202] 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 

don, your Majesty,” he began, “for bringing 
these in: but I hadn’t quite finished my tea 
when I was sent for.” 

“You ought to have finished,” said the King. 
“When did you begin?” 

The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who 
had followed him into the court, arm-in-arm 
with the Dormouse. “Fourteenth of March, I 
think it was,” he said. 

“Fifteenth,” said the March Hare. 

“Sixteenth,” added the Dormouse. 

“Write that down,” the King said to the jury, 
and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates 
on their slates, and then added them up, and 
reduced the answer to shillings and pence. 

“Take off your hat,” the King said to the 
Hatter. 

“It isn’t mine,” said the Hatter. 

“Stolen!” the King exclaimed, turning to the 
jury, who instantly made a memorandum of 
the fact'. 

“I keep them to sell,” the Hatter added as 
an explanation: “I’ve none of my own. I’m a 
hatter.” 


[203] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

Here the Queen put on her spectacles and 
began staring hard at the Hatter, who turned 
pale and fidgeted. 

“Give your evidence,” said the King: “and 
don’t be nervous, or I’ll have you executed on 
the spot.” 

This did not seem to encourage the witness 
at all: he kept shifting from one foot to the 
other, looking uneasily at the Queen, and in 
his confusion he bit a large piece out of his 
teacup instead of the bread-and-butter. 

Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious 
sensation, which puzzled her a good deal until 
she made out what it was: she was beginning 
to grow larger again, and she thought at first 
she would get up and leave the court; but on 
second thoughts she decided to remain where 
she was as long as there was room for her. 

“I wish you wouldn’t squeeze so,” said the 
Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. “I can 
hardly breathe.” 

“I can’t help it,” said Alice, very meekly; 
“I’m growing.” 

[204] 


Here the Queen put on her spectacles and [ 205 ] 
began staring hard at the hatter. 



WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 

“You’ve no right to grow here” said the 
Dormouse. 

“Don’t talk nonsense,” said Alice, more 
boldly: “you know you’re growing too.” 

“Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,” said 
the Dormouse : “not in that ridiculous fashion.” 
And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to 
the other side of the court. 

All this time the Queen had never left off 
staring at the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse 
crossed the court, she said to one of the officers 
of the court, “Bring me the list of the singers 
in the last concert!” on which the wretched 
Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his 
shoes off. 

“Give your evidence,” the King repeated 
angrily, “or I’ll have you executed, whether 
you’re nervous or not.” 

“I’m a poor man, your Majesty,” the Hatter 
began in a trembling voice, “and I had only 
just begun my tea — not above a week or so — 
and what with the bread-and-butter getting so 
thin — and the twinkling of the tea — — ” 

“The twinkling of what?” said the King. 

[207] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“It began with the tea,” the Hatter replied. 

“Of course, twinkling begins with a T!” 
said the King, sharply. “Do you take me for 
a dunce? Go on !” 

“I’m a poor man,” the Hatter went on, “and 
most things twinkled after that — only the 
March Hare said ” 

“I didn’t!” the March Hare interrupted in 
a great hurry. 

“You did!” said the Hatter. 

“I deny it!” said the March Hare. 

“He denies it,” said the King, “leave out that 
part.” 

“Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said ” 

the Hatter went on, looking anxiously round to 
see if he would deny it too : but the Dormouse 
denied nothing, being fast asleep. 

“After that,” continued the Hatter, “I cut 
some more bread-and-butter ” 

“But what did the Dormouse say?” one of 
the jury asked. 

“That I can’t remember,” said the Hatter. 

“You must remember,” remarked the King, 
“or I’ll have you executed.” 

[208] 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 

The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and 
bread-and-butter, and went down on one knee. 
“I’m a poor man, your Majesty,” he began. 

“You’re a very poor speaker,” said the King. 

Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was 
immediately suppressed by the officers of the 
court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will 
just explain to you how it was done. They 
had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the 
mouth with strings: into this they slipped the 
guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon it.) 

“I’m glad I’ve seen that done,” thought Alice. 
“I’ve so often read in the newspapers, at the 
end of trials, ‘There was some attempt at ap- 
plause, which was immediately suppressed by 
the officers of the court,’ and I have never 
understood what it meant till now.” 

“If that’s all you know about it, you may 
stand down,” continued the King. 

“I can’t go no lower,” said the Hatter: “I’m 
on the floor as it is.” 

“Then you may sit down,” the King replied. 

Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was 
suppressed. 


[209] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“Come, that finishes the guinea-pigs!” 
thought Alice. “Now we shall get on better.” 

“I’d rather finish my tea,” said the Hatter, 
with an anxious look at the Queen, who was 
reading the list of singers. 

“You may go,” said the King, and the Hatter 
hurriedly left the court, without even waiting 
to put his shoes on. 

“ and just take his head off outside,” the 

Queen added to one of the officers; but the 
Hatter was out of sight before the officer could 
get to the door. 

“Call the next witness!” said the King. 

The next witness was the Duchess’s cook. 
She carried the pepper-box in her hand, and 
Alice guessed who it was, even before she got 
into the court, by the way the people near the 
door began sneezing all at once. 

“Give your evidence,” said the King. 

“Shan’t!” said the cook. 

The King looked anxiously at the White 
Rabbit, who said in a low voice, “Your Majesty 
must cross-examine this witness.” 

“Well, if I must, I must,” the King said, 
[210] 


WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 

with a melancholy air, and, after folding his 
arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were 
nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, 

“What are tarts made of?” 

“Pepper, mostly/’ said the cook. 

“Treacle,” said the sleepy voice of the Dor- 
mouse behind her. 

“Collar that Dormouse,” the Queen shrieked 
out. “Behead that Dormouse! Turn that Dor- 
mouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch 
him! Off with his whiskers!” 

For some minutes the whole court was in 
confusion, getting the Dormouse turned out, 
and, by the time they had settled down again, 
the cook had disappeared. 

“Never mind!” said the King, with an air 
of great relief. “Call the next witness.” And 
he added in an undertone to the Queen, “Really, 
my dear, you must cross-examine the next 
witness. It quite makes my forehead ache!” 

Alice watched the White Rabbit as he 
fumbled over the list, feeling very curious to 
see what the next witness would be like, “ — 

[211] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

for they haven’t got much evidence yet,” she 
said to herself. Imagine her surprise, therefore, 
when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of 
his shrill little voice, the name “Alice!” 



ALICES EVIDENCE 















♦ 



CHAPTER XII 

Alice’s evidence 


H ERE!” cried Alice, quite forgetting in 
the flurry of the moment how large 
she had grown in the last few minutes, 
and she jumped up in such a hurry that she 
tipped over the jury-box with the edge of her 
skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads 
of the crowd below, and there they lay sprawl- 
ing about, reminding her very much of a 
globe of gold-fish she had accidentally upset 
the week before. 

“Oh, I beg your pardon!” she exclaimed in 
a tone of great dismay, and began picking them 
up again as quickly as she could, for the acci- 
dent of the gold-fish kept running in her head, 
and she had a vague sort of idea that they must 
be collected at once, and put back into the jury- 
box, or they would die. 

“The trial cannot proceed,” said the King, 

[215] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

in a very grave voice, “until all the jurymen 
are back in their proper places — all,” he re- 
peated with great emphasis, looking hard at 
Alice as he said so. 

Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, 
in her haste, she had put the Lizard in head 
(downwards, and the poor little thing was waving 
its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite 
unable to move. She soon got it out again, and 
put it right; “not that it signifies much,” she 
said to herself; “I should think it would be 
quite as much use in the trial one way up as the 
other.” 

As soon as the jury had a little recovered 
from the shock of being upset, and their slates 
and pencils had been found and handed back 
to them, they set to work very diligently to 
write out a history of the accident, all except 
the Lizard, who seemed too much overcome to 
do anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing 
up into the roof of the court. 

“What do you know about this business?” 
the King said to Alice. 

“Nothing,” said Alice. 

[216] 



She tipped over the jury box , upsetting [217] 
all the jurymen on the heads of the crowd 
below. 



ALICE’S EVIDENCE 


“Nothing whatever f" persisted the King. 

“Nothing whatever,” said Alice. 

“That’s very important,” the King said, turn- 
ing to the jury. They were just beginning to 
write this down on their slates, when the White 
Rabbit interrupted: “£/#important, your Maj- 
esty means, of course,” he said, in a very 
respectful tone, but frowning and making faces 
at him as he spoke. 

“C/wimportant, of course, I meant,” the King 
hastily said, and went on to himself in an 
undertone, “important — unimportant — unim- 
portant — important ” as if he were trying 

which word sounded best. 

Some of the jury wrote it down “important,” 
and some “unimportant.” Alice could see this, 
as she was near enough to look over their slates; 
“but it doesn’t matter a bit,” she thought to 
herself. 

At this moment the King, who had been for 
some time busily writing in his note-book, 
called out “Silence!” and read out from his 
book, “Rule Forty-two. All persons more than 
a mile high to leave the court.” 


[219] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

Everybody looked at Alice. 

“1’m not a mile high,” said Alice. 

“You are,” said the King. 

“Nearly two miles high,” added the Queen. 

“Well, I shan’t go, at any rate,” said Alice: 
“besides, that’s not a regular rule : you invented 
it just now.” 

“It’s the oldest rule in the book,” said the 
King. 

“Then it ought to be Number One,” said 
Alice. 

The King turned pale, and shut his note- 
book hastily. “Consider your verdict,” he said 
to the jury, in a low trembling voice. 

“There’s more evidence to come yet, please 
your Majesty,” said the White Rabbit, jump- 
ing up in a great hurry; “this paper has just 
been picked up.” 

“What’s in it?” said the Queen. 

“I haven’t opened it yet,” said the White 
Rabbit, “but it seems to be a letter, written by 
the prisoner to — to somebody.” 

“It must have been that,” said the King, 
[220] 


ALICE’S EVIDENCE 


“unless it was written to nobody, which isn’t 
usual, you know.” 

“Who is it directed to?” said one of the 
jurymen. 

“It isn’t directed at all,” said the White 
Rabbit; “in fact, there’s nothing written on the 
outside.” He unfolded the paper as he spoke, 
and added, “It isn’t a letter, after all: it’s a set 
of verses.” 

“Are they in the prisoner’s handwriting?” 
asked another of the jurymen. 

“No, they’re not,” said the White Rabbit, 
“and that’s the queerest thing about it.” (The 
jury all looked puzzled.) 

“He must have imitated somebody else’s 
hand,” said the King. (The jury all brightened 
up again.) 

“Please your Majesty,” said the Knave, “I 
didn’t write it, and they can’t prove I did: 
there’s no name signed at the end.” 

“If you didn’t sign it,” said the King, “that 
only makes the matter worse. You must have 
meant some mischief, or else you’d have signed 
your name like an honest man.” 


[221] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 


There was a general clapping of hands at 
this: it was the first really clever thing the 
King had said that day. 

“That proves his guilt, of course,” said the 
Queen. 

“It proves nothing of the sort!” said Alice. 
“Why, you don’t even know what they’re 
about!” 

“Read them,” said the King. 

The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 
“Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?” 
he asked. 

“Begin at the beginning,” the King said 
gravely, “and go on till you come to the end; 
then stop.” 

I 

“They told me you had been to her, 

And mentioned me to him; 

She gave me a good character, 

But said I could not swim . 


“He sent them word I had not gone 
( We know it to be true) : 

If she should push the matter on, 
What would become of you ? 

[222] 


ALICE S EVIDENCE 


“I gave her one, they gave him two, 

You gave us three or more; 

They all returned from him to you 
Though they were mine before . 

“If I or she should chance to be 
Involved in this affair, 

He trusts to you to set them free, 

Exactly as we were . 

“My notion was that you had been 
( Before she had this fit) 

An obstacle that came between 
Him, and ourselves, and it. 

“Don't let him know she liked them best . 

For this must ever be 
A secret , kept from all the rest, 

Between yourself and me ” 

“That's the most important piece of evidence 
we've heard yet," said the King, rubbing his 

hands; “so now let the jury " 

“If any one of them can explain it," said 
Alice (she had grown so large in the last few 
minutes that she wasn't a bit afraid of inter- 
rupting him), “I'll give him sixpence. / don't 
believe there's an atom of meaning in it." 

[223] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

The jury all wrote down on their slates, 
“She doesn’t believe there’s an atom of meaning 
in it,” but none of them attempted to explain the 
paper. 

“If there’s no meaning in it,” said the King, 
“that saves a world of trouble, you know, as 
we needn’t try to find any. And yet I don’t 
know,” he went on, spreading out the verses 
on his knee, and looking at them with one eye ; 
“I seem to see some meaning in them, after all. 

‘ said I could not swim — ’ You can’t swim, 

can you?” he added, turning to the Knave. 

The Knave shook his head sadly. “Do I 
look like it?” he said. (Which he certainly 
did not, being made entirely of cardboard.) 

“All right, so far,” said the King, and he 
went on muttering over the verses to himself: 
“ ‘W e know it to be true — ’ that’s the jury, of 
course — -I gave her one, they gave him two — ’ 
why, that must be what he did with the tarts, 
you know ” 

“But it goes on ‘they all returned from him 
to you,’ ” said Alice. 

“Why, there they are!” said the King, 
[224] 


ALICE’S EVIDENCE 

triumphantly, pointing to the tarts on the table. 
“Nothing can be clearer than that. Then 
again — ‘ before she had this jit — ’ you never 
had fits, my dear, I think?” he said to the 
Queen. 

“Never !” said the Queen furiously, throwing 
an inkstand at the Lizard as she spoke. (The 
unfortunate little Bill had left off writing on his 
slate with one finger, as he found it made no 
mark; but he now hastily began again, using 
the ink, that was trickling down his face, as 
long as it lasted.) 

“Then the words don’t jit you,” said the 
King, looking round the court with a smile. 
There was a dead silence. 

“It’s a pun!” the King added, in an angry 
tone, and everybody laughed. 

“Let the jury consider their verdict,” the 
King said, for about the twentieth time that 
day. 

“No, no!” said the Queen. “Sentence first — 
verdict afterwards.” 

“Stuff and nonsense!” said Alice loudly. 
“The idea of having the sentence first!” 

[225] 


ALICE S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

“Hold your tongue!” said the Queen, turning 
purple. 

“I won’t!” said Alice. 

“Off with her head!” the Queen shouted at 
the top of her voice. Nobody moved. 

“Who cares for you?” said Alice (she had 
grown to her full size by this time). “You’re 
nothing but a pack of cards!” 

At this the whole pack rose up into the air, 
and came flying down upon her; she gave a 
little scream, half of fright and half of anger, 
and tried to beat them off, and found herself 
lying on the bank, with her head in the lap of 
her sister, who was gently brushing away some 
dead leaves that had fluttered down from the 
trees on her face. 

“Wake up, Alice dear!” said her sister. 
“Why, what a long sleep you’ve had!” 

“Oh, I’ve had such a curious dream!” said 
Alice, and she told her sister, as well as she 
could remember them, all these strange Adven- 
tures of hers that you have just been reading 
about; and when she had finished, her sister 
kissed her, and said, “It was a curious dream, 
[226] 



The whole pack rose up into the air, and [227] 
came flying down upon her . 


1 


ALICE’S EVIDENCE 

dear, certainly: but now run in to your tea; it’s 
getting late.” So Alice got up and ran off, 
thinking while she ran, as well she might, what 
a wonderful dream it had been. 

But her sister sat still just as she left her, 
leaning her head on her hand, watching the 
setting sun, and thinking of little Alice and all 
her wonderful Adventures, till she too began 
dreaming after a fashion, and this was her 
dream: 

First, she dreamed of little Alice herself: 
once again the tiny hands were clasped upon 
her knee, and the bright eager eyes were look- 
ing up into hers — she could hear the very tones 
of her voice, and see that queer little toss of 
her head, to keep back the wandering hair that 
would always get into her eyes — and still as she 
listened, or seemed to listen, the whole place 
around her became alive with the strange 
creatures of her little sister’s dream. 

The long grass rustled at her feet as the 
White Rabbit hurried by — the frightened 
Mouse splashed his way through the neigh- 
bouring pool — she could hear the rattle of the’ 

[229] 


ALICE’S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

teacups as the March Hare and his friends 
shared their never-ending meal, and the shrill 
voice of the Queen ordering off her unfortunate 
guests to execution — once more the pig-baby 
was sneezing on the Duchess’s knee, while 
plates and dishes crashed around it — once more 
the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of 
the Lizard’s slate-pencil, and the choking of 
the suppressed Guinea-pigs, filled the air, mixed 
up with the distant sob of the miserable Mock 
Turtle. 

So she sat on with closed eyes, and half 
believed herself in Wonderland, though she 
knew she had but to open them again, and all 
would change to dull reality — the grass would 
be only rustling in the wind, and the pool 
rippling to the waving of the reeds — the rattling 
teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells, 
and the Queen’s shrill cries to the voice of the 
shepherd boy — and the sneeze of the baby, the 
shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer 
noises, would change (she knew) to the con- 
fused clamour of the busy farm-yard — while 
the lowing of the cattle in the distance would 
[230] 


ALICE’S EVIDENCE 


take the place of the Mock Turtle’s heavy 
sobs. 

Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same 
little sister of hers would, in the aftertime, be 
herself a grown woman; and how she would 
keep, through all her riper years, the simple 
and loving heart of her childhood: and how 
she would gather about her other little children, 
and make their eyes bright and eager with 
many a strange tale, perhaps even with the 
dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how 
she would feel with all their simple sorrows, 
and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, 
remembering her own child-life, and the happy 
summer days. 



[231] 



[ 232 ] 

V 






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/ 









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0 












